Wrestling with the Church--part 1

This will come as no surprise but I've done a lot of thinking about the church the last 23 years of my life--what it means to be the church, what the church does, how to be effective as a church, etc. Over the years I've embraced some ideas about the church only to discard them years later as my understanding of the church changes or as culture changes, or both.

As Community of Grace is only 2 1/2 years old, we have the chance to truly shape our "church" from the ground up--to, from the beginning, live out what we think and believe the church to be.

So I've been doing a lot of reading and praying about the church and the kind of church God is calling us to be. Some of the things I've been thinking about have been confirmed again and again in my reading and conversations with other leaders. Some new ideas are emerging that I'm honestly wrestling with and what those ideas might mean for how we build our community of faith together.

The one thing that comes back again and again is this--to make sure we see ourselves as a dynamic mission rather than a static institution.

More to come

Sunday Musings

Jeff's version of the Lord's Prayer was fantastic this morning at both worship services. (A bit of an embarrassing moment--I think we all thought the standing o's were for him, but I think they were really for the sermon. Weren't they?)

Community of Grace has a great board of directors. The leaders are smart, mission-minded, and financially wise.

I really love being a pastor.

Our city is reeling from two very public tragedies this weekend: 1) The crash of two TV helicopters, killing two pilots and two cameramen. It was gripping, hard, sad, watching the news media having to grieve publicly in the moment while also trying to tell the story. 2) The shooting death of a young police officer. Profound reminders of why the world needs reckless grace.

I was fighting a flu bug yesterday--or food poisoning. I went to bed at 7:30 pm. Woke up about midnight feeling kind of achy. Took some aspirin and work up in the morning drenched. Must of had a fever. Felt great for worship, however, though I still get the occasional kick to the gut.

We held our board meeting today at the new site of the Grace World Headquarters. Jeff and Diane are doing a great job in renovating the place.

One of our Grace'rs was joking with me about the amount of writing I send out to our congregation--the emails, updates, devotionals, etc, plus the blog. I told him people may not read the stuff, but in 2 1/2 years no one has complained that I don't keep you all informed! :)

Harry Potter

I've just started the last Harry Potter book. This past Tuesday, during a meeting with my pastor buddies, 2-3 of them had already finished the book. They said it was fantastic.

I'll let you know.

Tim

Seeing the Future

This will surprise few of you who know me or read this blog. I'm kind of a controlling type person. (KIND OF?!?! I can hear many of you yell!) I like to know what's up, where what is headed, and keep things within my sphere of influence. I recognize this is both a strength and weakness (anxiety issues being one of the great downsides to control!)

I saw this trait (quirk?) in me a week ago. I was at Disneyland and decided to try out the newly refurbished Space Mountain. I hadn't been on it in years. For those of you unfamiliar with the ride, it is a roller coaster in the dark. It's great fun.

As always, I asked to sit in the front car. Two reasons--it's the fastest (or at least seems to be the fastest) car in the ride. Second--though it's dark, sitting in the front I am able to barely make out the track, which gives me the chance to see into the future and prepare for it, rather than letting it happen. This way I can anticipate the curves and the little drops. In other words, I'm able to control the ride to a certain extent rather than simply surrendering my life to it.

Some of you would much rather simply let go and let the ride take you on an adventure. Me--I prefer to know where the adventure is headed.

Following Jesus is a bit of both. On the one hand, if we seriously follow Jesus we're never quite sure where he's going to take us. There is no path. He is the path. That kind of following continues to stretch me.

On the other hand, if we seriously follow Jesus, we do get to see, at least a bit, the future coming toward us. He's always a step or two ahead of us which means he's already headed into the future preparing it for us.

For those like me who don't like surprises, who like to know what's up ahead, the good news is that Jesus is up ahead. And for those who simply like to shut their eyes and let the future carry them away, the good news is that the future-shaper, Jesus, goes ahead of you to keep you in his will.

I'm off to control something.

Gray Beards and Multi-vitamins

The last couple of weeks I've noticed a recurring ad on some of the TV channels I watch. The ad is about a multi-vitamin for men 50 and over. I kept wondering why they would advertise to that target market on a station I'm watching until I realized I am the target market that station wants to reach!

To top it off, I decided to re-grow a mini-beard, or goatee. What's with all the gray hair?

Who is this older, graying man I see in the mirror and where has he taken the younger, hip Tim?

What's So Reckless About Grace?--Part 5

I keep coming back to this theme for several reasons. 1) I'm obsessive. 2) It's a theme that has some real power behind it for those of us who follow Jesus. 3) I think, once it captures us, that reckless grace can transform our relationship with Jesus, our congregations, and the world around us. 4) As one comment put it, we may have a book here so I'm bouncing these ideas off of you to see where this might take us.

I've been mulling over different pictures of reckless grace and reckless optimism. Here's one:

A man and woman fall passionately in love with each other. Their love grows to the point that they want to do something absolutely reckless--commit themselves to each other for the rest of their lives! No more dating other people. No more what's mine is mine. Sharing the same house day after day after day after day. Taking care of the other when the other is sick. Putting up with their annoying habits. Getting older with them. Being willing to forgive and forget again and again and again...Marriage is crazy. It's reckless. It doesn't make sense. But it's precisely that recklessness that makes it work for so many people. For people in love, the action doesn't seem reckless at all. That reckless commitment is the springboard to undying love, freedom,grace, hope, joy, companionship, and the list goes on and on. Marriage truly is reckless optimism.

Reckless grace is always counter-intuitive in that when it seems to be recklessly giving up everything, it gains everything instead.

It's that reckless optimism that moved God to lay it all out there for us in Jesus.

Hairspray

Monday is my day off and I'm pretty "religious" about making it my day off. Usually we use the day to run some errands and try to see a movie. Yesterday we saw Hairspray, a musical comedy about a serious subject--racism in the 60's. Jan and I had seen the Broadway play and loved it. And we loved the movie. The music is great. The acting is supurb. And the storyline, without being preachy, reminds us that regardless of the color of our skin--or the size of our bodies--we all belong. It's a movie I'd see again. I recommend it.

What's So Reckess About Grace?--Part 4

The other night Jan and I were watching one of our British Mysteries--MI-5. Actually, it's more of a spy thriller than a mystery.

Tom, one of the lead spies, has fallen in love with a woman and has also come to love the woman's daughter. Unfortunately, being in the spy business put his new "family" into harms way. As a result, the woman and her daughter went to stay with the woman's mom and dad, refusing to answer Tom's phone calls.

During a dicey operation Tom decides to drive to where his girlfriend is staying. He's on the phone to one of his partners who asks Tom why he's doing that when she won't return his phone calls.

Tom's answer is awesome: "Reckless optimism."

That phrase, for me, captures the essence of grace. Reckless optimism. Jesus recklessly reaches out to us with love and grace in the hope (optimism) that that grace will capture our hearts. That recklessness has a goal--winning our hearts. That recklessness also has a downside--rejection, death. But motivated by optimistic love, Jesus pursues us again and again, recklessly heading to death, if need be, to find us.

Refrigerator Day

My son called me last night. "Hey, dad, what are you doing tomorrow?" This question can only mean one of two things--he'd like me and Jan to take him and his wife out for dinner or he needs a favor. It was the second. His mother-in-law had a nice fridge for them but they had to take their current one and swap it with the new one. Could I help?

Sure. I rented a truck and headed over.

I have no patience for moving things. It never goes as planned. Things never fit through doors the way they are supposed to. And if I have to unscrew something or hammer something, I'm completely lost. I work with words, not hammers and screw drivers.

Of course, this little adventure did not go as smoothly as we had hoped. We had to take one front door off. We had to remove handles. We had to slide a 40 ton fridge across a yard of gravel. And it was hot and humid. But we got it done. The new fridge looks great.

Glad to say, I only lost my patience once!

It's good to be a dad. Time to hit the shower.

What I Did On My Unexpected, Brief, Summer Sabbatical

Tomorrow I officially wrap up my unexpected, brief summer sabbatical due to not going to Rwanda (see previous posts). As always, God has a way of redeeming disappointments, and this was no exception. Anxiety, at least for me, doesn't completely shut down my life. Once I'm through the experience, whether I walk through it or run from it, life pretty much returns to normal. It simply takes a few days to get my balance back. Most sabbaticals include some personal time and learning time. And these 10 days were no exception. So here's how I spent my time:

*The first two days I mentally beat myself up for giving into anxiety and not going to Rwanda. As you can imagine, I was lots of fun to be around those two days. Jan was so glad I stayed home!
*Spent a half a day in Prescott having my bike repaired.
*Started reading The Hoax, by Clifford Irving, his account of how he tried to write the autobiography of Howard Hughes back in the 70's, a story he was making up.
*Watched (and continue to watch) the Tour de France.
*Spent Saturday and Sunday morning visiting Northcoast Church in San Diego (see earlier post).
*Spent Sunday night and Monday morning hanging out at Disneyland (believe it or not, two very relaxing days!)
*Got a lobotomy to fix my anxiety problem. :)
*Actually, began a new round of counseling to deal with this recent anxiety setback.
*Caught up on some of our favorite British Mystery TV shows like Murphy's Law, Inspector Frost, and Foyle's War.
*Took naps.
*Exercised.
*Saw Live Free or Die Hard (twice, once without and once with Jan), Ratatouille, and Harry Potter. Loved them all.
*Hung out with my son and his wife.
*Read two church-oriented books--How (Not) to Speak of God by Peter Rollins and The Present Future: Six Tough Questions for the Church by ReggieMcNeal.
*Spent some nice time with Jan (after the first two days) and with our dogs.
*Griped about the overwhelming heat we're experiencing.
*Tomorrow I top things off with a nice massage.

All in all, a nice refreshing, inspiring break.

While I still grieve a bit over not going to Rwanda, I think I'll look back on this time as a moment when God's grace intervened and turned a painful setback into a profitable one.

Sputnik comes to Church

Last Sunday my brother Jeff and I visited a unique congregation in San Diego--Northcoast Community Church. Currently they meet in a warehouse complex (they own almost the entire complex with the exception of a Toyota repair shop). What makes the church unique is their innovative approach to "planting" churches. Rather than starting a new church, they use "satellite" sites (hence the tongue-in-cheek use of Sputnik in the title). A satellite site is basically a worship venue, or another worship service in a place other than the main worship facility.

In the case of Northcoast, they operate several different satellites on their main campus. They have their main worship service in which the music and the speaker are all live. They also have a traditional service which meets in a venue that seats about 100. A service called The Edge, which seats 500-600. A Video Cafe which seats about the same. Each "venue" offers a different kind of musical style from traditional hymns (Traditions) to worship choruses with an edgier sound (the Edge). In each of the satellite sites the worship is live but the sermon is on the screen--taped from the Saturday night service. So different styles and worshipping communities but the same message, same church.

Northcoast also has two off-site worship venues. In this way, they are able to build a big church (6000 per weekend) but keep the worship services smaller (500-600). It also makes for a faster, less expensive way to expand mision and ministry over against starting new churches. Many of the staff positons can be shared (i.e., the preaching, administrative, youth, childrens, etc) while new satellite venues are planted throughout the city using musicians, a campus pastor, and the hospitality team.

Jeff and I attended the live Saturday evening service. After 20 minutes of rock-driven worship choruses Larry Osborne, the senior Pastor, spoke for 47 minutes! The service ended with the offering/worship chorus.

On Sunday we attended The Edge--great edgy worship choruses for about 20 minutes followed by the same message we saw Saturday only now on-screen. After a few moments you forget you are watching a video image. Because the worship was live and the screen so big, it really works. Everyone in attendance was engaged by it.

Then we attended the Video Cafe, staying only for the worship (we didn't feel we needed to see the 47 minute sermon a third time--no offense, Larry!). The music in this venue was a little lower key than they other two services. But like the other two, the service was full.

On a seven acre campus they are able to hold about 1800 people at one time at their various on-site venues plus kids stuff. That doesn't include the two off-site satellites.

Northcoast has about 40 acres of land they will develop, building from the start on the concept of several venues on one site so that they can grow, but keep the services smaller.

Other churches using this model offer live preaching at all of their various sites, rotating two-three pastors from site to site. Personally, having seen the video experience, I'm convinced it works and works well. In fact, I liked the video message better than the live version because I could see a bit better.

I'm really intrigued by this concept. Our five year goal at Grace was to plant a new congregation out of Grace much as Community Church of Joy did with us. But increasingly I am convinced that the satellite model is more effective and a stronger option. Plus, our Bishop is encouraging us and other Lutheran congregations in this area to seriously look at this model.

I have several ideas and sites in mind as we think through what God would have us do. It's a dance right now as we build a new campus and yet look to perhaps start a new site or two in the coming years.

As I learn more, and as our leaders mull this over more, I'll share more insights with you. I also look forward to your comments as you think through how God might want to use this model to bring his grace to the world.

Pins in our Underwear

A counselor friend of mine likes to say that we all have pins in our underwear. By that I think he means that we're all human, and that we all have human stuff that sticks us and pokes us and hurts us from time to time. In fact, being human is to have pins in our underwear.

I've been dealing with at least one of those pins--anxiety--on and off for years. For the most part, the sticking and poking of anxiety doesn't affect me, but when it does--ouch! It's no fun!

We all have those pins, even practically perfect first-born pastors! It may be an emotional pin, an illness pin, a dysfunctional relationship pin, an addiction pin, a moral failure pin, etc. Some of those pins can be a bit embarrassing and shameful, but they are all painful.

It's those pins that make grace so important. Sometimes God comes to us and actually removes the pins. He does that through prayer, through the medical profession, through counselors, etc. All healing comes from God regardless of how it happens. Sometimes it takes years for the pin to be removed. Sometimes, mysteriously, the pin remains (Paul's thorn in the flesh) but God's grace carries us through.

The point for me is this: We all walk a bit funny because of those pins in our underwear. And in the end (no pun intended) there's nothing wrong with having those pins. It's human. The good news is that God, through Jesus, walks alongside of us, using his grace to help us deal with those pins. Though we may walk a bit funny, Jesus loves us anyway and uses his grace to bring healing and wholeness.

A big thanks to all of you for your support during this pin-time in my life. I've actually had a good week. I'll fill in some of the blanks in the next few days. In the meantime, I need to quit sitting. I have a pin sticking in my...

Attack of the Killer Butterflies

It's hard to know where to start on a day like today so it's best to simply jump in with both feet.

For whatever reason, I let my anxiety get the best of me today. The butterflies I mentioned in yesterday's post turned into an attack force and I sadly ended up opting out of the trip to Rwanda. They say with anxiety it's one step forward and a few steps backward. Today was my big step backward--and it really caught me off guard. Many of you know, as I've shared openly about this disorder, that God has brought me a long ways from where I was 20 years ago. Two times I've made this trip to Rwanda which is a big deal considering my anxiety is usually trip related. So this step backwards was disappointment. I won't go into the details and how it all unfolded. Needless to say this is not the post I thought I would be writing today. I'd been looking forward to this trip for over a year. Not going is frustrating to say the least.

Days like these, as painful as they are, make me grateful for a reckless grace that will somehow in someway transform my reckless decision into God's best.

So I'm going to use this time I should have been away anyway for a mini-sabbatical. I know anxiety is a signal that my internal system needs a tune-up so I'll spend the time hanging out, catching up on movies, books, enjoying time with Jan and the dogs, etc.

I'm OK for those of you who might worry about your pastor. I've had a very human setback, which, as Lucinda Bassett reminds us, are really gains, as they give us a chance to re-evaluate, re-calibrate, and get back at it.

All the Rwanda highlights from the rest of the team will be posted at the Community of Grace Website.

I'm out for the next couple of weeks.

By the way, that's Rwanda--2, Butterflies--1. I'll get them next time.

Butterflies for Rwanda

Tomorrow evening (Monday) I head out on my third trip to Rwanda since 2005. We will be connecting with our friends at the Lutheran Church in Rwanda, visiting a couple of orphanages, a couple of women's organizations, and meeting with some government officials. We'll view some genocide sites, eat lunch at "Hotel Rwanda," and speak at a couple of churches. It is a quick trip of only 5 nights.

My passion for Rwanda began several years ago when my daughter Alycia asked me to edit a paper for her graduate class on the genocide in Rwanda and its impact on women. To be honest, I had been oblivious to the genocide back in 1994. I've had a lot of catching up to do. It's truly a country that needs reckless, transforming grace.

A few people from Grace will be joining me (Michelle and Joe and my brother Jeff) along with our Bishop of the ELCA Grand Canyon Synod, Steve, and his daughter Megan, and Corey, Alycia's friend.

Alycia has been in Rwanda for 7 weeks working with the gacaca courts--the local courts seeking to bring reconciliation to the country as the perpetrators of the genocide and their victims meet face to face. Gacaca means Justice on the Grass. Alycia has been blogging her experiences.

I will be blogging my experiences to the best of my ability so I hope you'll check in from time to time, or better yet, subscribe to this blog.

As for the Butterflies--For 20 years I have been working on my anxiety disorder. I have come miles and miles since my first real panic attack in 1988 thanks mainly to Lucinda Bassett and her excellent work on the issue. (Go to her website by clicking her name, hit view commercials, and check out commercial number 1. That's yours truly with hair and a beard!) I have learned the skills for managing my anxiety and usually live fairly anxiety free.

(For those of you who have no idea what anxiety is like, it's hard to put in words, but it's a feeling of dread, sometimes panic and terror, produced usually through inappropriate thoughts, i.e., being afraid for no apparent reason. The cure for most people is to learn to control those negative thoughts and replace them with the truth.)

A trip like this, even though it's my third, brings back all the old tapes. So I've had a few days of pre-Randa butterflies--not just a few butterflies, but sometimes a hornets nest of them, to mix my metaphors. But I will step through the wall, feel the fear, and enjoy it anyway! Your prayers for me and the team will be much appreciated.

More to come.

What's So Reckess About Grace?--Part 3

I wonder if we haven't made grace too nice in our churches. Grace smiles a lot, it makes people feel comfortable, it's kind to people, it doesn't ever really ask anything of us. Grace makes us feel good, but it doesn't really seem to do anything truly profound. It often seems a bit weak, static, cheap even, sort of like eating creme of wheat. It tastes good, but it's not terribly interesting. And perhaps that's why the Christian church seems to be losing ground in the US. Our main thing--grace--is nice, but not compelling.

The grace demonstrated on the cross, however, is dangerous. It's reckless. It turns everything upside down. It changes the status quo. It's dynamic, always doing something life-giving. It revolutionizes life. For grace is all about our tame-less creator reaching down to us--lost, sinful, rebellious, broken people--to befriend us, to forgive us--really forgive us. To love us unconditionally. To let us know that he believes in us. To live in us by the power of the Spirit of Jesus. That kind of grace isn't simply nice. It's transformational.

The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus shows a scandalous side of grace as it breaks all expectations. It shows us a God who does not expect or demand that we come to him, but instead a God who always makes the first move toward us. That kind of grace is irresistible. Drink of it and we'll never be the same.

I'm convinced that that revolutionary, scandalous, reckless grace is precisely what culture yearns for. Rather than trying to bottle it up, it should be exploding from our churches and our lives as the Spirit of grace lives in and through us.

What's So Reckless About Grace--Part 2

God is absolutely crazy about us. And one of the greatest demonstrations of that crazy love is God's reckless grace.

In meeting with my men's group a few weeks ago we talked about the concept of bold, daring, reckless grace. The bold and daring part we got. The reckless part, no so much. I noticed the same challenge in some of my other groups. Reckless seems to imply sloppy, careless, diving in without thinking, etc. But reckless really means to act without thinking or caring about the consequences.

Hang with me on this because God obviously cares about the consequences of his love--he wants to draw us into a relationship. But God's expression of that grace threw caution to the wind. It was and is unconventional. God treated his reputation carelessly, for example, when he decided to reach out to sinners with such passionate, amazing love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Laying aside one's rights and privileges as God in order to become a servant (Philippians 2) is reckless. The creator entering creation to suffer and die for it is reckless. Forgiving one's enemies from the cross is reckless. Hanging out with the outcasts of society and calling them friends is reckless. Using ordinary fishermen to share the Gospel with the world is reckless. Inviting graced people to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them is reckless.

God doesn't care whom he loves. No one is beyond his love. He's so crazy about us he does reckless things to win our hearts.

Grace is not just safe and comforting and freeing. It's reckless, passionate, and transforming.

What's So Reckless About Grace?--Part 1

The tag-line for our church is: Following Jesus on the bold, daring, reckless adventure of grace. I chose those particular words early on in Community of Grace's history after reading David Murrow's book, Why Men Hate Going to Church. I was struck by the soft words I had used originally to describe grace; words like unconditional love, acceptance, mercy, compassion, etc.--powerful pictures of grace to be sure. But they tell only part of the story. As I read Murrow's book, and began to reflect on Luke 15, including the story of the Prodigal Son, I began to see a tougher, side to grace as well (special thanks to Kenneth Bailey and his fantastic research on Luke 15--check out Amazon.com.)

In the story of the Prodigal Son we see a dad who throws caution and reputation to the wind to save the son who publicly shamed him. In the story of the lost sheep the shepherd recklessly seeks out one lost lamb, risking death to carry that heavy lamb home on his shoulders over a dangerous path. (Bailey tells us that in the early
history of the church, the cross was too vivid a symbol for the Gospel. They were too close to it. They saw people hanging on crosses every day. So the Gospel was captured in the symbol of the shepherd carrying an over sized lamb. That, for them, was the essence of the cross!) In part
2 of the Prodigal Son the dad publicly shames himself by going out to his obstinate first born rather than demanding the first born come to him, as custom required.

The Prodigal Son not only tells the story of unconditional love offered to two undeserving sons, it paints grace as bold, daring, and reckless. In the days, weeks, and months to come I want to tease out that side of grace and how it meshes with our usual presentations of grace. I want to explore how both sides of grace can impact our lives and churches. I want to plumb the amazing, reckless depths of God's grace, best seen on a cross, of all places. More to come

A Few of My Favorite "American" Things

I love the United States of America. That's not to say I love
everything we do, but I do love the country passionately. I've had the
chance to travel to many different countries. I've met some amazing
people and seen incredible beauty in those travels. But the US is, for
me, a truly blessed country and people. I feel so very fortunate to
have been born here.

Here are a few of the things I love about our country:

*Freedom
*Freedom of Religion
*Disneyland
*BBCAmerica (ok, it's British, but it has America in the channel name!)
*American Football, especially the Vikings and Cardinals but not Dallas or Green Bay
*Bike trails through Glendale and Phoenix
*The generosity of our people
*Elections
*Hawaii--especially Maui
*The East Coast history from Lexington and Concord to Monticello
*BJ Thomas and Barry Manilow
*Movies (and the Music Man is my movie of choice on this great day--corny, yes, but also Americana at its best!)

Happy 4th!

Oven-Roasted 4th of July Eve

I just finished BBQ'ing our 4th of July Eve dinner. You know you're in Arizona when the outside temp is hotter than the BBQ grill!

Do We Really Need Another Blog?

Today I am officially re-entering the blogging world. I tried blogging a few years ago and really enjoyed it. But I didn't stick with it.

As I get back into blogging I'm particularly excited about writing about, sharing, pondering, and discussing life from the perspective of God's grace. As I get older, God's grace is becoming increasingly important. For me, the story of Jesus is captured in that one word--grace: God's act of passionately, boldly, and recklessly pursuing us, not to condemn us, but to love us, transform us, and to send us into the world to bring grace to all who thirst for it.

That's why we named our congregation Community of Grace back in 2005. We want the name to shape our mission and our mission and community to reflect our name.

So...does the world need another blog? Who knows! But it's getting one anyway. I hope you'll join me on the adventure.