30 years! We made it. Quite a milestone.
Over the last several months Jan has been pouring hours of her life into Ancestry.com, researching my family and her family. She's about as far as she can go at this time and is putting a book together. On one of the pages she has a collage of pictures of the two of us: A picture of us in front of the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center as the snow falls; a picture of the two of us on camels in Petra, Jordan; a picture of the two of us on a hill overlooking Jerusalem; a picture of us by the Tower Bridge in London...
I looked at those pictures and thought, "We've had a good run, so far."
We've been blessed with one of those marriages where we have been in love since the day we were married. After 30 years we still like each other. We come from a long, interesting line of people. We have two marvelous kids who have married fantastic spouses. We've enjoyed amazing health. We've traveled the world together. We've been a part of two dynamic ministries.
It has been a good run, so far.
This afternoon we went over to Mike's and Amber's for our anniversary and a delicious meal from Arby's (I set up a romantic dinner for two on the beach on Maui a few weeks ago, so we had our big anniversary dinner then). I sat and rocked my little granddaughter, Clover.
It has been a good run, so far!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--11
How do I love thee, let me count the ways...
Top 10 Things Jan Loves About Tim:
His humor
His quirkiness
His amazing grace and compassion toward others
His giftedness as a wordsmith
He cooks his own breakfast and cleans up after himself
He drives me places when I don't feel like driving
I couldn't have asked for a more amazing father and role model for my children
He loves the dogs as much as I do
He's adorable and totally in love with his baby granddaughter
He is devoted to, and absolutely loves me
Top 10 Things Tim Loves About Jan
She's loved me for better or for worse and while most has been better, the worse--like my struggles with anxiety--have demonstrated unconditional love on her part
She's downright beautiful...how did I ever end up with a babe?
She's creative--she loves music, she loves to sew, take photos, work on projects, etc
She cares about creating a wonder-filled and organized home
She's been as passionate about ministry as I have
She's been and continues to be a fantastic mom to our kids
She's been supportive of my stuff--like running marathons and biking
She makes me happy
She fits me like a glove
She loves me--that never ceases to stun, amaze, and delight me
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--10
In every life a little rain must fall...
You can't share life together without some clouds, rain, heartache, and pain. And we've had some in our lives.
There have been experiences of great loss.
While we were on internship Jan's grandma passed away (May 10, 1983). Jan flew up to Minneapolis with Alycia (a toddler) and Mike (just a couple of months old). A few years before she died she moved into a new place and essentially gave Jan her house.
In 1988 Jan's mom discovered, after some issues with her eye, that she had colon cancer. After three surgeries within five months it was evident that she was not going to live. So we began to make plans for Jan's dad. He had parkinson's disease and Jan's mom didn't want him living on his own. So they built us the house we currently live in--a house big enough to house our kids and Vic. Jan's mom passed away on April 21, 1989. She was in Phoenix so we had a chance to visit her often. We flew up to Minneapolis for the funeral. Phadoris was a woman of strong faith (and a strong will!). She traveled the mid-west singing and telling her story of faith. We butted heads at times, but we loved and respected each other. She was a great mom and grandma.
On October 24, 1989 my Grandma died. She was the only Grandma I knew. She and my mom were extremely close. Grandma helped raise us. She was a marvelous woman. Her last years were spent living with my parents as they cared for my Grandpa who had alzheimers. One day, now living in a care facility, my Grandma called up my dad and said, "Don, I can't do it anymore." He rushed over to the nursing home. When he walked in, Grandma sat down and died. I headed back to Minneapolis to speak at her funeral.
A few weeks later, November 5, 1989, my Grandpa died. Grandpa had a profound impact on my life. I wanted to be a pastor because of him. He was pretty aware during grandma's funeral. But the day after he didn't recognize any of us. But he always kept his good humor. I had the privilege of speaking at his funeral, too.
Jan's dad moved in with us after the funeral for Phadoris. Vic was a quiet man, who in spite of his parkinson's, was able to get around quite well. He didn't need much care. But it wasn't all that easy for him to live here (he wanted his independence) and it took away quite a bit of privacy for us. One day he started acting loopy, and as the day went on, it grew worse. We found out he had stopped taking his meds. Once he got stabilized, he decided he wanted to move out and we figured the best place was in a graded care facility. He hated it. So he bought two houses in Sun City, one for himself, and one across the backyard for his sister so that she could take care of him. It all worked out pretty well after that. One morning, November 15, 1993, after breakfast, Vic told his sister he was going to lie down for awhile. He never woke up. We held the funeral in Minneapolis. Vic was an extremely successful business man. He was very generous but quiet about it, as he was in most things. Jan and I have been extremely blessed as a result of his success and generosity, which is minor to the blessing he was to us a father, a father in law, and a grandpa.
A few years after Vic moved out, my parents, living in Minneapolis at the time, lost everything. We had to move them down here. Eventually they came to live in our home. Again, while it was good to have them here, it was also difficult for them and us. They had their own bedroom and den, but to get to the kitchen they always had to walk into our living area. We had virtually no privacy, and it did get wearing. We eventually were able to move them to a house in Sun City.
On February 18, 2007, my mom passed away. Jan and I, along with Jeff and Diane, were in Hawaii at the time. We lived through her last moments via phone updates. We were so grateful that so many people were with mom in her last moments, including my son and his wife. The funeral was held at the Zuni Hills Elementary School where we hold worship services for Grace. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came out and by the numbers of people who were impacted by my mom.
We were fortunate in that we never had any broken bones in our immediate family. But we had some wounded emotions. I suffered my first major panic attack in 1988 while in California. I drove home in the middle of the night absolutely panicked for no reason I could think of. It began a long journey of ups and downs learning to be free of it.
Jan has struggled with depression--not debilitating, but challenging. Her med is her life-saver.
We went through some absolutely devastating years when Mike was a young teen into his teen years as he battled clinical depression. The process of finding him the right med was horrific for him and us. Mike had his first panic episode in New York City. It was so severe I had to fly out to bring him home. Those were dark, dark days. But he's a healthy young man today!
Alycia has also been blessed with some of our emotional stuff, lucky her. But she keeps pushing along, making a life for herself in spite of it.
My dad has had over 20 heart attacks in his 72 years, a major one coming in 1998, just a few weeks before we moved to our new church campus at Community Church of Joy. Amazingly, he's still here. A walking time bomb and walking miracle all in one.
Jan's brother, who lives up in Minneapolis, has faced severe challenges in his life since he was a kid, diabetes and seizures being at the root of them. In fact, he had his first seizure while driving on a freeway with Jan in the car when Jan was in 9th grade. Thankfully his foot let up on the gas and the car turned to the side. Jan was able to hit the brakes. Along with those medical challenges have been emotional ones as well.
The one constant has been the grace of God, sometimes powerfully felt, sometimes seemingly absent, walking with us through these times of life, getting us through and putting the pieces back together. I don't know how people face these kinds of things without God's presence.
You can't share life together without some clouds, rain, heartache, and pain. And we've had some in our lives.
There have been experiences of great loss.
While we were on internship Jan's grandma passed away (May 10, 1983). Jan flew up to Minneapolis with Alycia (a toddler) and Mike (just a couple of months old). A few years before she died she moved into a new place and essentially gave Jan her house.
In 1988 Jan's mom discovered, after some issues with her eye, that she had colon cancer. After three surgeries within five months it was evident that she was not going to live. So we began to make plans for Jan's dad. He had parkinson's disease and Jan's mom didn't want him living on his own. So they built us the house we currently live in--a house big enough to house our kids and Vic. Jan's mom passed away on April 21, 1989. She was in Phoenix so we had a chance to visit her often. We flew up to Minneapolis for the funeral. Phadoris was a woman of strong faith (and a strong will!). She traveled the mid-west singing and telling her story of faith. We butted heads at times, but we loved and respected each other. She was a great mom and grandma.
On October 24, 1989 my Grandma died. She was the only Grandma I knew. She and my mom were extremely close. Grandma helped raise us. She was a marvelous woman. Her last years were spent living with my parents as they cared for my Grandpa who had alzheimers. One day, now living in a care facility, my Grandma called up my dad and said, "Don, I can't do it anymore." He rushed over to the nursing home. When he walked in, Grandma sat down and died. I headed back to Minneapolis to speak at her funeral.
A few weeks later, November 5, 1989, my Grandpa died. Grandpa had a profound impact on my life. I wanted to be a pastor because of him. He was pretty aware during grandma's funeral. But the day after he didn't recognize any of us. But he always kept his good humor. I had the privilege of speaking at his funeral, too.
Jan's dad moved in with us after the funeral for Phadoris. Vic was a quiet man, who in spite of his parkinson's, was able to get around quite well. He didn't need much care. But it wasn't all that easy for him to live here (he wanted his independence) and it took away quite a bit of privacy for us. One day he started acting loopy, and as the day went on, it grew worse. We found out he had stopped taking his meds. Once he got stabilized, he decided he wanted to move out and we figured the best place was in a graded care facility. He hated it. So he bought two houses in Sun City, one for himself, and one across the backyard for his sister so that she could take care of him. It all worked out pretty well after that. One morning, November 15, 1993, after breakfast, Vic told his sister he was going to lie down for awhile. He never woke up. We held the funeral in Minneapolis. Vic was an extremely successful business man. He was very generous but quiet about it, as he was in most things. Jan and I have been extremely blessed as a result of his success and generosity, which is minor to the blessing he was to us a father, a father in law, and a grandpa.
A few years after Vic moved out, my parents, living in Minneapolis at the time, lost everything. We had to move them down here. Eventually they came to live in our home. Again, while it was good to have them here, it was also difficult for them and us. They had their own bedroom and den, but to get to the kitchen they always had to walk into our living area. We had virtually no privacy, and it did get wearing. We eventually were able to move them to a house in Sun City.
On February 18, 2007, my mom passed away. Jan and I, along with Jeff and Diane, were in Hawaii at the time. We lived through her last moments via phone updates. We were so grateful that so many people were with mom in her last moments, including my son and his wife. The funeral was held at the Zuni Hills Elementary School where we hold worship services for Grace. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came out and by the numbers of people who were impacted by my mom.
We were fortunate in that we never had any broken bones in our immediate family. But we had some wounded emotions. I suffered my first major panic attack in 1988 while in California. I drove home in the middle of the night absolutely panicked for no reason I could think of. It began a long journey of ups and downs learning to be free of it.
Jan has struggled with depression--not debilitating, but challenging. Her med is her life-saver.
We went through some absolutely devastating years when Mike was a young teen into his teen years as he battled clinical depression. The process of finding him the right med was horrific for him and us. Mike had his first panic episode in New York City. It was so severe I had to fly out to bring him home. Those were dark, dark days. But he's a healthy young man today!
Alycia has also been blessed with some of our emotional stuff, lucky her. But she keeps pushing along, making a life for herself in spite of it.
My dad has had over 20 heart attacks in his 72 years, a major one coming in 1998, just a few weeks before we moved to our new church campus at Community Church of Joy. Amazingly, he's still here. A walking time bomb and walking miracle all in one.
Jan's brother, who lives up in Minneapolis, has faced severe challenges in his life since he was a kid, diabetes and seizures being at the root of them. In fact, he had his first seizure while driving on a freeway with Jan in the car when Jan was in 9th grade. Thankfully his foot let up on the gas and the car turned to the side. Jan was able to hit the brakes. Along with those medical challenges have been emotional ones as well.
The one constant has been the grace of God, sometimes powerfully felt, sometimes seemingly absent, walking with us through these times of life, getting us through and putting the pieces back together. I don't know how people face these kinds of things without God's presence.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--9
It's funny, when you think about highlights over 30 years, how difficult it is to remember any of them! So I'll just start writing and see what comes to mind. I'll bring Jan in as well.
The two biggest highlights:
June 18, 1980--Minneapolis. We had already been to the hospital in the early morning hours walking up and down the hallways after Jan thought her water had broken. But it was a false alarm. But later that day Jan was pretty sure the baby was coming. But this time we waited until the contractions were a bit closer together. That gave me a chance to see the whole General Hospital Episode. Because you know how those soaps are--miss an episode and you're completely lost because the story lines move so quickly. :) This, by the way, was during the Luke and Laura days.
That evening after about 6 hours of labor, Alycia Janelle Wright was born weighing in at about 6 pounds 9 oz. She was a beautiful baby from the moment she came out of the womb. And she was two weeks late!
March 3, 1983--Phoenix. The doctor had said that if the baby didn't come by Friday (2 weeks late!) we might have to induce. But on Friday, Jan rolled over and whispered in my ear, "We're going to have a baby." A call to Jan's mom to pick up Alycia, a call to church to cancel appointments, and we were off to the hospital--in a flood-weary Phoenix. We had been blasted with heavy rains, the water sometimes up to the car doors. But we made it safely and Michael Timothy Wright was born, weighing in at about 8 lbs 13 oz. No wonder Jan said this baby was a lot more work getting out than Alycia.
Others: In no particular order--
Our internship at Community Church of Joy and then our call to serve there turned out to be pivotal in our lives. (See Musings on 25 years of Ordination).
Starting Community of Grace in 2005 (see Musings on 25 years of Ordination).
Sitting in the front row, middle two seats at a Barry Manilow Concert in Vegas and having Barry reach down to me as the show ended to shake my hand. (I'm guessing he was probably a bit shocked to see a manly man sitting in the front row of one of his concerts and enjoying it!) He shook Jan's hand, too. It was Jan's birthday.
Buying our first dog, Santi, the Beagle. Buying her brother a year later, Saba the Dachshund. Better than kids!
We had a chance to do a lot of traveling, in part because of church (see Musings on 25 years of Ordination), but a few highlights from our personal travel: 3 days in a Long Boat (canal boat) down a canal in Scotland followed by a two day bike ride in the Cotswolds. 5 days in Aspen in December with Mike and Amber, then another 3 when we got snowed in. Lots of great trips to Disneyland and Disney World. Israel. Australia--what a fantastic country. Norway is breath-takingly beautiful. England (too many times to count). A December trip to NYC when it snowed and we enjoyed a horse-drawn carriage ride in Central Park with big, white snowflakes falling around us. The "Martin Luther" tour--seeing all the Luther sites in Germany. One of our favorite places is Salzburg. Communion at the Vatican with the Pope in the house! Alaskan Cruise. Hawaii!!!!! Lots of great memories for me running in those places. Some of my favorites--Hyde Park in London. The Salzburg River in Salzburg.
Jan and Mike jumping out of an airplane (I took the pictures from the safety below).
Meeting lots of cool people like Noel Paul Stookey (of Peter, Paul, and Mary) who liked to call Jan, Sparky. My close personal friend, BJ Thomas.
Renovating the house and having to live in the basement.
Getting a tatoo.
Lots of eating out--favorite foods including Italian and Italian and often Italian. And of course, the best of all, Peter Piper Pizza.
Watching our kids grow up.
Marrying my son, Mike, to his beautiful wife, Amber. Walking my daughter, Alycia, down the aisle and officiating at her wedding to her fantastic husband, Corey.
Christmas Eves at church (there usually through midnight.) One night, having gone to bed, I asked Jan if she felt anything under her pillow. She reached under, found a little box. She turned on the light, opened the box, and found a brand new diamond for her wedding ring (I had purchased it with royalties from my first book.) A very, very nice surprise.
The newest highlight: May 26, 2009, the birth of Clover Alia Wright, weighing in at 5 lbs 11 oz. The most beautiful granddaughter you've ever seen born to Mike and Amber. I said to Jan, it's amazing, in seeing Clover for the first time, how absolutely in love I am with her! Baptizing her (3 times! Once in a private family ceremony and at both services at Grace so that everyone could be a part of it).
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--8
Marriage is filled with all kinds of stuff (how's that for deep) from life-changing memorable moments to painful experiences to loss to everydayness--mostly everydayness.
It would be easy to start with the memorable and the painful, so I'll start with the everydayness:
We've been extremely blessed to really like and love each other. We fit each other well. I'm the decisive, take charge, big picture guy, Jan is the more pragmatic, detailed person. Jan is fantastic with running the finances, for example. I hate that stuff. I'm good at taking out the garbage. Jan doesn't like to make decisions. One of our running jokes is the amount of time Jan used to spend in the toilet paper section of the grocery store agonizing over which toilet paper to buy. Good thing I like to grocery shop. I do most of it. Jan loves keeping house. She loves making the place homey. I love my work and Jan has always been a partner with me in it.
We share common interests. We both love British Mysteries and dramas (I even like the Jane Austin type stuff.) We both love reading. We both have the same tastes in TV shows (currently shows like Burn Notice, House, Psych, any British Detective show, etc.) We both love movies. I love to research them before we go. Jan likes the surprise of having no idea what we're seeing until the movie starts.
We both love having the dogs sleeping in the bed with us. We like salads. We like to travel. On vacations we have no problem being in the same place and doing our own thing--usually sitting on the beach reading. We are comfortable in silence. And we are good at talking to each other.
Jan gets more beautiful each day. I get older each day. Good deal for me. Not so good for her. Good thing it's for better or for worse...
We both love being parents, though it was not always easy. And we're thrilled to be grandparents.
We both need to see the Chiropractor once a week. Me for my back. Jan for her neck.
We are both into the same kind of music. We fell in love to Barry Manilow and have been fans ever since.
We prefer David Letterman over Jay Leno by a mile, and choose Dave over Conan though Conan is pretty good.
We both pursue our own things as well. Jan does lots of creating, sewing, photography, etc. I'm good at taking out the garbage.
We both use Macs. We both are adamant that we won't receive emails on our phones but Jan did sign up to receive Tweets from our kids.
We both like to spend the secondary holidays (4th of July, Memorial Day, etc.) watching a favorite movie and getting to be early. We're almost always in bed by 9 on New Years Eve.
We love sunsets in Hawaii and bright, full moons. We enjoy trying to catch a glimpse of the Space Station as it zooms through the dark sky.
We've both read the Harry Potter Series.
We have some differences but none that ever negatively impacted our relationship.
For me, the essence of a good marriage is found in this everydayness. Loving each other in the normal moments of life. Those moments keep us sane in the memorable and painful moments of a marriage.
It would be easy to start with the memorable and the painful, so I'll start with the everydayness:
We've been extremely blessed to really like and love each other. We fit each other well. I'm the decisive, take charge, big picture guy, Jan is the more pragmatic, detailed person. Jan is fantastic with running the finances, for example. I hate that stuff. I'm good at taking out the garbage. Jan doesn't like to make decisions. One of our running jokes is the amount of time Jan used to spend in the toilet paper section of the grocery store agonizing over which toilet paper to buy. Good thing I like to grocery shop. I do most of it. Jan loves keeping house. She loves making the place homey. I love my work and Jan has always been a partner with me in it.
We share common interests. We both love British Mysteries and dramas (I even like the Jane Austin type stuff.) We both love reading. We both have the same tastes in TV shows (currently shows like Burn Notice, House, Psych, any British Detective show, etc.) We both love movies. I love to research them before we go. Jan likes the surprise of having no idea what we're seeing until the movie starts.
We both love having the dogs sleeping in the bed with us. We like salads. We like to travel. On vacations we have no problem being in the same place and doing our own thing--usually sitting on the beach reading. We are comfortable in silence. And we are good at talking to each other.
Jan gets more beautiful each day. I get older each day. Good deal for me. Not so good for her. Good thing it's for better or for worse...
We both love being parents, though it was not always easy. And we're thrilled to be grandparents.
We both need to see the Chiropractor once a week. Me for my back. Jan for her neck.
We are both into the same kind of music. We fell in love to Barry Manilow and have been fans ever since.
We prefer David Letterman over Jay Leno by a mile, and choose Dave over Conan though Conan is pretty good.
We both pursue our own things as well. Jan does lots of creating, sewing, photography, etc. I'm good at taking out the garbage.
We both use Macs. We both are adamant that we won't receive emails on our phones but Jan did sign up to receive Tweets from our kids.
We both like to spend the secondary holidays (4th of July, Memorial Day, etc.) watching a favorite movie and getting to be early. We're almost always in bed by 9 on New Years Eve.
We love sunsets in Hawaii and bright, full moons. We enjoy trying to catch a glimpse of the Space Station as it zooms through the dark sky.
We've both read the Harry Potter Series.
We have some differences but none that ever negatively impacted our relationship.
For me, the essence of a good marriage is found in this everydayness. Loving each other in the normal moments of life. Those moments keep us sane in the memorable and painful moments of a marriage.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--7
After our wedding we moved into Jan's grandma's house. It was an old, small house. So small, that we had the bed in the bedroom and the dresser in the "living room" and another in the other bedroom. The bathroom was a toilet only with a tub upstairs--a ceiling so low I had to duck when I was up there. Jan's dad put a shower in the moldy, carpetless basement and we added a garage (a must in cold Minnesota winters.) It was small, but it was home.
Jan took a job at a nursing home as we knew we would be moving to Seattle, Washington so I could finish up my last two quarters of school starting January, 1980. It was the only place she could use her nursing degree knowing she'd be there just a few months.
Our plan was for Jan to put me through my final year of college and 4 years of seminary before we started a family. But precautions aside--in October we discovered that Jan's nagging sore throat was a pregnancy.
After our first Christmas as a married couple we moved to Washington. We stayed in a small apartment with rented furniture. At one point we were eating off of an ironing board. But again, we loved it.
Jan took a job at a nursing home. I would drop her off early in the morning and then head over to a dark, quiet campus to study. Then I'd pick up her up after work and she would basically crash for the rest of the day and I would study.
Because of her pregnancy, as I neared the end of school, Jan flew home. She happened to fly home the day Mount St. Helen's exploded. She was able to see if from the plane.
Two weeks later I graduated from LBI and Jeff and I drove back to Minneapolis.
On June 18, 1980 our first child, Alycia was born.
I started seminary--Bethel Seminary--in the fall and we moved into student housing on the campus. We were on the third floor and had to hand carry a piano up to the apartment so Jan would have something to play. But the piano was so crummy I don't think she ever used it.
Jan took a new job at a nursing home in St. Paul, working evenings. Living on the campus we were able to juggle caring for Alycia while Jan worked and I studied.
The following year I transfered to Luther Seminary. We moved back into Jan's grandma's house (which we actually owned but had rented out for awhile.) Jan took a new job at a new nursing home. It was a long ride for me into school every day but Jan worked evenings again. So I would usually come home from school and spend some time with Alycia. I would make her my speciality--a fried egg and peas. Then I'd take her to my mom's house so she could watch Alycia while I went back home to study. Then back to mom's to pick up Alycia. Jan would get home late and she and Alycia would watch David Letterman and MASH. One of Alycia's first words was MASH.
In August of 1982 we headed to Phoenix for a year of internship at Community Church of Joy. Jan was pregnant at the time and Mike was born on internship. So we had both of our kids before I graduated from school.
We lived in Sun City at Jan's parent's condo for a few months then Joy rented us a home across from the church during the months Jan's folks were in Phoenix. I had no idea how fast weeds grew here. I had no lawn mower or lawn equipment. By the time we moved back to Sun City our back yard was a forest of weeds. One of our last nights in the rented house we noticed a black widow spider by the door. We moved out immediately the next morning and headed back to the safe confines of Sun City.
Then it was back to Minneapolis to finish out school. For those lasts several months we lived in the basement of Jan's parent's house.
I graduated in March of 1984 and we headed back to Phoenix to begin ministry at Community Church of Joy (see musings on 25 years of ordination.)
Jan took a job at a nursing home as we knew we would be moving to Seattle, Washington so I could finish up my last two quarters of school starting January, 1980. It was the only place she could use her nursing degree knowing she'd be there just a few months.
Our plan was for Jan to put me through my final year of college and 4 years of seminary before we started a family. But precautions aside--in October we discovered that Jan's nagging sore throat was a pregnancy.
After our first Christmas as a married couple we moved to Washington. We stayed in a small apartment with rented furniture. At one point we were eating off of an ironing board. But again, we loved it.
Jan took a job at a nursing home. I would drop her off early in the morning and then head over to a dark, quiet campus to study. Then I'd pick up her up after work and she would basically crash for the rest of the day and I would study.
Because of her pregnancy, as I neared the end of school, Jan flew home. She happened to fly home the day Mount St. Helen's exploded. She was able to see if from the plane.
Two weeks later I graduated from LBI and Jeff and I drove back to Minneapolis.
On June 18, 1980 our first child, Alycia was born.
I started seminary--Bethel Seminary--in the fall and we moved into student housing on the campus. We were on the third floor and had to hand carry a piano up to the apartment so Jan would have something to play. But the piano was so crummy I don't think she ever used it.
Jan took a new job at a nursing home in St. Paul, working evenings. Living on the campus we were able to juggle caring for Alycia while Jan worked and I studied.
The following year I transfered to Luther Seminary. We moved back into Jan's grandma's house (which we actually owned but had rented out for awhile.) Jan took a new job at a new nursing home. It was a long ride for me into school every day but Jan worked evenings again. So I would usually come home from school and spend some time with Alycia. I would make her my speciality--a fried egg and peas. Then I'd take her to my mom's house so she could watch Alycia while I went back home to study. Then back to mom's to pick up Alycia. Jan would get home late and she and Alycia would watch David Letterman and MASH. One of Alycia's first words was MASH.
In August of 1982 we headed to Phoenix for a year of internship at Community Church of Joy. Jan was pregnant at the time and Mike was born on internship. So we had both of our kids before I graduated from school.
We lived in Sun City at Jan's parent's condo for a few months then Joy rented us a home across from the church during the months Jan's folks were in Phoenix. I had no idea how fast weeds grew here. I had no lawn mower or lawn equipment. By the time we moved back to Sun City our back yard was a forest of weeds. One of our last nights in the rented house we noticed a black widow spider by the door. We moved out immediately the next morning and headed back to the safe confines of Sun City.
Then it was back to Minneapolis to finish out school. For those lasts several months we lived in the basement of Jan's parent's house.
I graduated in March of 1984 and we headed back to Phoenix to begin ministry at Community Church of Joy (see musings on 25 years of ordination.)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--6
As is true for most weddings, it was an exciting, hectic time for us as we got ready for the big day. Jan finished up her final year of her nursing program and took the state boards while planning the wedding. I finished up another quarter of school, and because of summer school the previous year was able to take the summer and the following fall off. So I left my part time janitorial job to work full time as a janitor at a local hotel. The hours were not great. I had to be to work at 5 or 6 in the morning. The job wasn't great, either. So I quit and went to work for my dad. To be honest, he paid us, but we didn't have to work all that hard.
Jan did a fantastic job of putting the wedding together. She bought her wedding dress off of a sale rack. We were married at Jan's church and the reception was put on by the women's circle of the church, consisting of cake, pillow mints, punch, coffee, and some pasta type salads.
For my bachelor party we went bowling. We did the usual rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. And finally, it was time for the main event.
Our wedding was to take place at 7 pm on Saturday, August 25, 1979. Plenty of time for me to be nervous! In the morning I went to my hair sculpture-er to have her nice up my hair (I used to have a full--too full--head of hair). I ended up looking like a goof-ball! We took most of our pictures before the wedding, which was fun and a bit grueling at the same time.
My Grandfather assisted our pastor in the ceremony. My brother Jeff's band provided the wedding music. My college room mate shared a few thoughts.
Jan looked absolutely fantastic. The music was awesome. The whole ceremony was great fun. (Looking back at some of the pics, years later, especially the candids, we noticed some of the signs of Alzheimer's that my Grandpa developed later in life!)
Even though Jan's mom had been hesitant about her daughter marrying a pastor, she and her husband were totally supportive of the wedding, the marriage, and made much in our early married life happen financially.
Video technology was new back then. But we tried it anyway. A huge big video deck and camera. But when we saw the tape, it was all blank!
After the ceremony we did the receiving line. All I wanted to do was go to the bathroom, and then sit down! But it was not to be.
After the reception we headed to Jan's house with friends and family to open gifts. We finally got to the hotel about 1 or 2 in the morning!
We stayed in Minneapolis on Sunday as we attended a concert that night featuring Andrae' Crouch. One memorable moment: Andrae announced at one point: We understand Bob Dylan is in the audience tonight. Welcome to the family! This was right after Dylan announced he was a Christian.
We spent Sunday night in our house (more on that later) and on Monday headed up to Northern Minnesota to stay at a condo owned by Jan's dad's company--a resort called, Quadna. The thing was, it was after season so everything at the resort was closed. There was nothing to do. The big event turned out to be our drive over to Duluth and the boat ride around the harbor looking at Ore boats! We were so bored we went home early. Not the honeymoon we hoped for, so we've been doing a honeymoon every year since then.
With the wedding and honeymoon over, it was time to be a married couple.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--5
We decided to get engaged in 1978. My dad took me and Jan over to a friend who owned a jewelry store. We picked out a ring that at that time cost a whopping $550! My dad paid the $50 down payment and we put it on a payment plan. I immediately went out and got a part time job working for the Commercial Building Maintenance company. (During most of High School I pumped gas--remember those days? During the 1974 gas crisis no less!) Now in college, my first janitor job was to clean a Good Year Tire office building--by myself. I cleaned out the ash trays (in the days when you could smoke in the building), cleaned desks, bathrooms, floors, did buffing, etc.
Very quickly I moved up the ranks and soon became a manager of a 4 story building and a small crew. The building: Minister's Life Insurance Company--how's that for irony.
We didn't say anything to Jan's family because Jan's brother was getting married in the summer of 1978. We decided to keep the pending engagement a secret until after her brother's wedding. But...
My brother Dave told his girl-friend at the time. She told a friend of hers whose family would be spending the weekend up at the lake with Jan's mom and dad. Not good. So Jan had to call and tell them over the phone that we had a ring. Jan's mom was not pleased!
The night of Jan's brother's wedding Jan's mom was trying to hook Jan up with a missionary to China!!! But after the wedding I asked Jan's dad for Jan's hand in marriage and he consented. We set the date for August 25, 1979. August is hot in Minneapolis so we prayed every day for great weather. God answered that prayer.
Very quickly I moved up the ranks and soon became a manager of a 4 story building and a small crew. The building: Minister's Life Insurance Company--how's that for irony.
We didn't say anything to Jan's family because Jan's brother was getting married in the summer of 1978. We decided to keep the pending engagement a secret until after her brother's wedding. But...
My brother Dave told his girl-friend at the time. She told a friend of hers whose family would be spending the weekend up at the lake with Jan's mom and dad. Not good. So Jan had to call and tell them over the phone that we had a ring. Jan's mom was not pleased!
The night of Jan's brother's wedding Jan's mom was trying to hook Jan up with a missionary to China!!! But after the wedding I asked Jan's dad for Jan's hand in marriage and he consented. We set the date for August 25, 1979. August is hot in Minneapolis so we prayed every day for great weather. God answered that prayer.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--4
(Jan thinks our first date was on January 31, 1975.)
Jan graduated from High School in May of 1975. From there she was headed to St. Olaf College, about a 40-60 minute drive from my house. She was going to get a BA in nursing.
We had a good summer but then came the hard part--being separated as she headed to school. There was some obvious dis-ease wondering if our relationship would last as it was fairly new. Plus, I was admittedly intimidated by all of those college boys she'd be hanging around.
Dropping her off at school was a toughie. It was a long ride back home (I drove her car home as, being a freshman, she couldn't have a car on campus. The car broke down about 3 miles from her house!) It was a few days later that it dawned on me that she was not that far away. I could visit her on weekends.
So that began weekend drives down to St. Olaf in Northfield, MN. While Jan was there we headed back to Minneapolis to attend our very first Barry Manilow Concert! He introduced songs from his soon to be released album, Trying to Get the Feeling. What a show. The first of many over the last 35 some years.
Jan didn't last long at St. Olaf. The program was a liberal arts degree with a small amount of nursing. So she left and enrolled at Mounds Midway School of Nursing in St. Paul--a three year RN program that got the students on the floor day 1. She loved it. (Good news for me--almost all girl students: no competition!)
That was also my final year of High School. Since most of my friends were Seniors the year before (including Jan) I wasn't sure how I'd get through my Senior Year. So in my Jr. year I ran for Student Body President (to be served the next year) and won. I had a very, very good Senior year--even better when Jan moved back home.
After I graduated I decided to attend the Lutheran Bible Institute in Seattle. That meant a real long distance relationship. It was tough. My family drove me out to Seattle and Jan came along. That last night was painful!!! Saying goodbye was even tougher. And each time I headed back to Seattle for another 3 months grew increasingly difficult.
LBI was known as the Lutheran Bridal Institute and many of my friends predicted that in no time I'd dump Jan and find someone else. But word got out quickly that I was hooked. The big, life-sized poster of Jan above my bed was the tip off.
This was in the day of no cell phones. Once a week I'd call Jan from the phone booth in the dorm. We literally spent hundreds of dollars a month on phone bills. And we'd write letters every day. Nothing better than getting a letter. Nothing worse than not getting one. I remember one week I didn't receive a letter the entire week. Not good. When you can't get instant information it's easy to start imagining the worst. But on Friday I received 5 letters!
Jan came out to visit for a week in the fall of my 4th quarter. It was so good to have her there. That's not to say I didn't enjoy my time at LBI. I loved every minute of it. But it was not easy.
We endured 4 quarters of that kind of separation until I couldn't take it anymore and I transferred back to Minneapolis.
Marriage was in the air, but Jan and her good friend moved into Jan's grandma's house (her grandma had moved into a retirement home). Jan and her friend figured they'd live there at least a year.
But then Jan's friend decided she was going to get married. That moved everything up. And one night, Jan proposed! (Good thing, because I still wasn't sure if we were an item or not! :))
Jan graduated from High School in May of 1975. From there she was headed to St. Olaf College, about a 40-60 minute drive from my house. She was going to get a BA in nursing.
We had a good summer but then came the hard part--being separated as she headed to school. There was some obvious dis-ease wondering if our relationship would last as it was fairly new. Plus, I was admittedly intimidated by all of those college boys she'd be hanging around.
Dropping her off at school was a toughie. It was a long ride back home (I drove her car home as, being a freshman, she couldn't have a car on campus. The car broke down about 3 miles from her house!) It was a few days later that it dawned on me that she was not that far away. I could visit her on weekends.
So that began weekend drives down to St. Olaf in Northfield, MN. While Jan was there we headed back to Minneapolis to attend our very first Barry Manilow Concert! He introduced songs from his soon to be released album, Trying to Get the Feeling. What a show. The first of many over the last 35 some years.
Jan didn't last long at St. Olaf. The program was a liberal arts degree with a small amount of nursing. So she left and enrolled at Mounds Midway School of Nursing in St. Paul--a three year RN program that got the students on the floor day 1. She loved it. (Good news for me--almost all girl students: no competition!)
That was also my final year of High School. Since most of my friends were Seniors the year before (including Jan) I wasn't sure how I'd get through my Senior Year. So in my Jr. year I ran for Student Body President (to be served the next year) and won. I had a very, very good Senior year--even better when Jan moved back home.
After I graduated I decided to attend the Lutheran Bible Institute in Seattle. That meant a real long distance relationship. It was tough. My family drove me out to Seattle and Jan came along. That last night was painful!!! Saying goodbye was even tougher. And each time I headed back to Seattle for another 3 months grew increasingly difficult.
LBI was known as the Lutheran Bridal Institute and many of my friends predicted that in no time I'd dump Jan and find someone else. But word got out quickly that I was hooked. The big, life-sized poster of Jan above my bed was the tip off.
This was in the day of no cell phones. Once a week I'd call Jan from the phone booth in the dorm. We literally spent hundreds of dollars a month on phone bills. And we'd write letters every day. Nothing better than getting a letter. Nothing worse than not getting one. I remember one week I didn't receive a letter the entire week. Not good. When you can't get instant information it's easy to start imagining the worst. But on Friday I received 5 letters!
Jan came out to visit for a week in the fall of my 4th quarter. It was so good to have her there. That's not to say I didn't enjoy my time at LBI. I loved every minute of it. But it was not easy.
We endured 4 quarters of that kind of separation until I couldn't take it anymore and I transferred back to Minneapolis.
Marriage was in the air, but Jan and her good friend moved into Jan's grandma's house (her grandma had moved into a retirement home). Jan and her friend figured they'd live there at least a year.
But then Jan's friend decided she was going to get married. That moved everything up. And one night, Jan proposed! (Good thing, because I still wasn't sure if we were an item or not! :))
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--3
So...Jan finally asked me out! If she hadn't, we'd probably still be dating and I'd still be wondering if she liked me!
Friday night I had a commitment--our High School band was playing at an A-squad Basketball Team home game which was being broadcast on a Christian Radio Station (KTIS). I had a trumpet solo. We were concert band, not a pep or marching band, so we had to improvise a bit.
I decided I would take Jan to the game and then a movie afterwards.
I arranged to pick up her up at her house (and I had to--got to--meet her parents).
However, my mom made me drive Jeff and his friend Arnie to the game, which meant I had to pick up Jan for our first date with Jeff and Arnie in tow. Very cool! :(
The three of us headed into Jan's house where I met her mom and dad for the first time. I was nervous enough taking Jan out let alone having to meet her folks. But, all in all, it went ok. They really liked Jeff!
We went to the game where I was able to dump Jeff and Arnie. After the game we headed downtown Minneapolis to catch a movie (this was before the days of the multi-plex explosion). We had two options for a movie: A new Dean Martin movie, something like Ricco? where he played a lawyer? or Young Frankenstein. I'd already seen Young Frankenstein (and it turns out no one saw the new Dean Martin movie) so we took in Young Frankenstein. When you see that movie with your high school friends you perceive the humor one way. When you're out on your first date you see it in a far different light--a more uncomfortable light! But we both enjoyed it.
I took Jan home. We hung out awhile. I got home past my curfew. A trend that would continue for a few weeks until I was grounded!
The next night we headed out to what used to be the Met Sports Center--now the Mega Mall-- and home of the once Minnesota Northstars hockey team, now the Dallas Stars. My Grandfather's organization, The Lutheran Evangelistic Movement (LEM) was hosting their annual youth conference. My folks encouraged us to attend as they wanted us to hear and meet a new, young evangelist named Tom Eggum. Tom and I became friends and he eventually came to work with us at Joy.
After the meeting I took Jan home. We hung out awhile. And I got home past my curfew...
That weekend, January 24-25, 1975, began a five year dating experience which eventually lead to marriage...but I get ahead of myself.
PS--I just looked up the Dean Martin Movie. It was called, Mr. Ricco. How's that for a memory!!! Not bad for a middle-aged guy.
Friday night I had a commitment--our High School band was playing at an A-squad Basketball Team home game which was being broadcast on a Christian Radio Station (KTIS). I had a trumpet solo. We were concert band, not a pep or marching band, so we had to improvise a bit.
I decided I would take Jan to the game and then a movie afterwards.
I arranged to pick up her up at her house (and I had to--got to--meet her parents).
However, my mom made me drive Jeff and his friend Arnie to the game, which meant I had to pick up Jan for our first date with Jeff and Arnie in tow. Very cool! :(
The three of us headed into Jan's house where I met her mom and dad for the first time. I was nervous enough taking Jan out let alone having to meet her folks. But, all in all, it went ok. They really liked Jeff!
We went to the game where I was able to dump Jeff and Arnie. After the game we headed downtown Minneapolis to catch a movie (this was before the days of the multi-plex explosion). We had two options for a movie: A new Dean Martin movie, something like Ricco? where he played a lawyer? or Young Frankenstein. I'd already seen Young Frankenstein (and it turns out no one saw the new Dean Martin movie) so we took in Young Frankenstein. When you see that movie with your high school friends you perceive the humor one way. When you're out on your first date you see it in a far different light--a more uncomfortable light! But we both enjoyed it.
I took Jan home. We hung out awhile. I got home past my curfew. A trend that would continue for a few weeks until I was grounded!
The next night we headed out to what used to be the Met Sports Center--now the Mega Mall-- and home of the once Minnesota Northstars hockey team, now the Dallas Stars. My Grandfather's organization, The Lutheran Evangelistic Movement (LEM) was hosting their annual youth conference. My folks encouraged us to attend as they wanted us to hear and meet a new, young evangelist named Tom Eggum. Tom and I became friends and he eventually came to work with us at Joy.
After the meeting I took Jan home. We hung out awhile. And I got home past my curfew...
That weekend, January 24-25, 1975, began a five year dating experience which eventually lead to marriage...but I get ahead of myself.
PS--I just looked up the Dean Martin Movie. It was called, Mr. Ricco. How's that for a memory!!! Not bad for a middle-aged guy.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--2
These posts will make more sense when read in order!
(A reminder--this is all written from my perspective, not Jan's!)
In the fall of 1974 some school buddies and I decided to start a new band. Most of the people were Seniors. I was a Junior. Early on my brother Jeff, a sophomore at the time, joined as our main vocalist. I played bass guitar, trumpet, and a bit of piano. We called the group, Daybreak. We had some great musicians in the group, but for whatever reason, we never really jelled as a band. In fact, I think we only did one concert.
But that one concert changed everything...
For some reason, Jan attended the concert. Again, she really had no idea who I was. But her best friend was in our group, and her best friend...wanted me! (as I found out later). So she asked Jan to the concert to check me out.
During the concert we had a song that desperately needed a piano. But we had no competent piano players. So in the middle of the concert I asked Jan to come up and play (because I knew she was a keyboard player). It was goofy to do so--but it gives a sense of how unorganized we were as a band.
Anyway, Jan came up and played the song. That night we asked her to be in our band.
After rehearsals, Jan and I began talking to each other. She--in order to check me out for her friend. Me--for the pure joy of being in her presence.
(It might help to know that I was extremely shy! I was scared to death of Jan in part because I was crazy about her and in part because she was a year older than I was!)
The running joke in the band was that while the band had to put away all the equipment, Jan and I sat in a corner and talked.
I remember at one point she asked me if I would ever date a senior. I played coy and said that it depended on which senior. Jan later told me she was quickly getting the impression that I was not interested in her best friend but in Jan! Talk about a bind for Jan.
One night we had some friends over to the house including Jan. My dad was trying to set me up with one of Jan's friends. But my mom later told me she had a sense that it was Jan I was interested in, even though I barely talked to her.
It was becoming clear that something was going on between the two of us, but being shy and scared to death of ruining a good thing, I didn't do anything--literally. I just hung out with her but never made any gestures toward her.
One day, sitting in the lunch room, she asked me for my class ring. She started wearing it and gave me hers. People asked if we were going out, so to speak. I said I didn't think so. We just exchanged rings.
My buddy worked in the bookstore. So he let me and Jan hide out in the back. What a perfect place! And I didn't do anything! We talked alot. But in my mind it was not boyfriend/girlfriend stuff--yet.
Finally one day she asked me what we were doing on Friday night. Apparently we were going out on a date. But I still didn't know if we were now an item or not...
(A reminder--this is all written from my perspective, not Jan's!)
In the fall of 1974 some school buddies and I decided to start a new band. Most of the people were Seniors. I was a Junior. Early on my brother Jeff, a sophomore at the time, joined as our main vocalist. I played bass guitar, trumpet, and a bit of piano. We called the group, Daybreak. We had some great musicians in the group, but for whatever reason, we never really jelled as a band. In fact, I think we only did one concert.
But that one concert changed everything...
For some reason, Jan attended the concert. Again, she really had no idea who I was. But her best friend was in our group, and her best friend...wanted me! (as I found out later). So she asked Jan to the concert to check me out.
During the concert we had a song that desperately needed a piano. But we had no competent piano players. So in the middle of the concert I asked Jan to come up and play (because I knew she was a keyboard player). It was goofy to do so--but it gives a sense of how unorganized we were as a band.
Anyway, Jan came up and played the song. That night we asked her to be in our band.
After rehearsals, Jan and I began talking to each other. She--in order to check me out for her friend. Me--for the pure joy of being in her presence.
(It might help to know that I was extremely shy! I was scared to death of Jan in part because I was crazy about her and in part because she was a year older than I was!)
The running joke in the band was that while the band had to put away all the equipment, Jan and I sat in a corner and talked.
I remember at one point she asked me if I would ever date a senior. I played coy and said that it depended on which senior. Jan later told me she was quickly getting the impression that I was not interested in her best friend but in Jan! Talk about a bind for Jan.
One night we had some friends over to the house including Jan. My dad was trying to set me up with one of Jan's friends. But my mom later told me she had a sense that it was Jan I was interested in, even though I barely talked to her.
It was becoming clear that something was going on between the two of us, but being shy and scared to death of ruining a good thing, I didn't do anything--literally. I just hung out with her but never made any gestures toward her.
One day, sitting in the lunch room, she asked me for my class ring. She started wearing it and gave me hers. People asked if we were going out, so to speak. I said I didn't think so. We just exchanged rings.
My buddy worked in the bookstore. So he let me and Jan hide out in the back. What a perfect place! And I didn't do anything! We talked alot. But in my mind it was not boyfriend/girlfriend stuff--yet.
Finally one day she asked me what we were doing on Friday night. Apparently we were going out on a date. But I still didn't know if we were now an item or not...
Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--1
On August 25, 2009 Jan and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. So I thought it would be good to chronicle some of our life together over 30 years.
So...let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...
We're talking memories from 10th grade in high school so who knows how accurate they really are?
I first noticed Jan when I started 10th grade. We were both attending a Christian High School, Minnehaha Academy. Jan was a year ahead of me.
I was a part of the school choir, called, MA Singers, as was Jan. Almost no 10th grade girls ever made it into Singers but a few of us 10th grade boys did.
I sat in the back with the rest of the baritones. Jan sat up in the front with the altos. Being a young, testosterone-charged 10th grader, it was not beyond me to notice girls, and I noticed Jan right away. Her long blonde hair, her cat-like eyes caught my attention. She, on the other hand, had no idea I existed.
I had a girl friend at the time. But that didn't keep me from observing other girls. I wasn't married after all.
Some early memories: Andrae' Crouch, a famous Gospel singer, was in concert at a downtown church called, Souls Harbor. I attended the concert with someone, I don't remember who, perhaps my girlfriend at the time??? Anyway, I spotted Jan at the concert. Again, she had no idea I existed.
The following Monday, in the choir room, there were just a handful of us as we waited for the other students to arrive. I was sitting in the back. Down the row from me was my girlfriend's brother. He had been at the concert as well. And in the front row was Jan, who had no idea I existed. So I very loudly called across the room to my girlfriend's brother and asked him how he liked the Andrae Crouch concert, hoping Jan would chime in. It worked. She turned around and we all talked about the concert for awhile. Then it was time for choir to begin. I got her attention. But still had the sense that she had no idea who I was.
Another memory: In choir I sat next to a guy who was a Senior. He was a fun guy, but a real goofball. Not the kind of guy who would attract the ladies, so to speak. Every spring our school held a banquet for Jrs and Srs called, JS. We couldn't dance at our school (a vertical expression of a horizontal idea!) so we had banquets instead. So this guy tells me he's taking Jan (who was a Junior) to JS. I couldn't believe it. What in the world was this sophisticated woman doing going out with this goofball? Nevertheless, I lived vicariously through him. He showed us pictures from the big event. I was relived to hear they weren't an item. Still...I had to do some mental gymnastics to try to figure out why she had gone out with him in the first place. And she still had no idea I existed.
Another memory: This was the fall of 1975, Jan's senior year, my junior year. The Jr's and Senior's did a fall boat trip down the Mississippi River. I can still remember what Jan was wearing--Jeans, a hoodie-sweatshirt, and a cap (not a baseball cap, but more of a driving cap.) I can remember this because there's a picture of her in our yearbook from the River trip. But I think I would have remembered anyway. (My timing is a bit confused by I believe this was around the time I broke up with my girlfriend. We weren't doing well anyway. I took her to homecoming but it was a big bust! She actually went home with someone else!)
I continued to lust after Jan from afar. But that all changed in January of 1975...
So...let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...
We're talking memories from 10th grade in high school so who knows how accurate they really are?
I first noticed Jan when I started 10th grade. We were both attending a Christian High School, Minnehaha Academy. Jan was a year ahead of me.
I was a part of the school choir, called, MA Singers, as was Jan. Almost no 10th grade girls ever made it into Singers but a few of us 10th grade boys did.
I sat in the back with the rest of the baritones. Jan sat up in the front with the altos. Being a young, testosterone-charged 10th grader, it was not beyond me to notice girls, and I noticed Jan right away. Her long blonde hair, her cat-like eyes caught my attention. She, on the other hand, had no idea I existed.
I had a girl friend at the time. But that didn't keep me from observing other girls. I wasn't married after all.
Some early memories: Andrae' Crouch, a famous Gospel singer, was in concert at a downtown church called, Souls Harbor. I attended the concert with someone, I don't remember who, perhaps my girlfriend at the time??? Anyway, I spotted Jan at the concert. Again, she had no idea I existed.
The following Monday, in the choir room, there were just a handful of us as we waited for the other students to arrive. I was sitting in the back. Down the row from me was my girlfriend's brother. He had been at the concert as well. And in the front row was Jan, who had no idea I existed. So I very loudly called across the room to my girlfriend's brother and asked him how he liked the Andrae Crouch concert, hoping Jan would chime in. It worked. She turned around and we all talked about the concert for awhile. Then it was time for choir to begin. I got her attention. But still had the sense that she had no idea who I was.
Another memory: In choir I sat next to a guy who was a Senior. He was a fun guy, but a real goofball. Not the kind of guy who would attract the ladies, so to speak. Every spring our school held a banquet for Jrs and Srs called, JS. We couldn't dance at our school (a vertical expression of a horizontal idea!) so we had banquets instead. So this guy tells me he's taking Jan (who was a Junior) to JS. I couldn't believe it. What in the world was this sophisticated woman doing going out with this goofball? Nevertheless, I lived vicariously through him. He showed us pictures from the big event. I was relived to hear they weren't an item. Still...I had to do some mental gymnastics to try to figure out why she had gone out with him in the first place. And she still had no idea I existed.
Another memory: This was the fall of 1975, Jan's senior year, my junior year. The Jr's and Senior's did a fall boat trip down the Mississippi River. I can still remember what Jan was wearing--Jeans, a hoodie-sweatshirt, and a cap (not a baseball cap, but more of a driving cap.) I can remember this because there's a picture of her in our yearbook from the River trip. But I think I would have remembered anyway. (My timing is a bit confused by I believe this was around the time I broke up with my girlfriend. We weren't doing well anyway. I took her to homecoming but it was a big bust! She actually went home with someone else!)
I continued to lust after Jan from afar. But that all changed in January of 1975...
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