My daughter-in-law, Amber, was telling us about one of her co-workers. During work the co-worker received a call that her brother had committed suicide. This on top of the news that she needs a very dangerous surgery done on her spine. She then had to call her father with the news. She has recently started getting back into her faith and so in the moment was trying to balance faith with utter fear and heartache. Amber said her co-worker kept muttering to herself, "God never gives us more than we can handle. God never gives us more than we can handle." Finally she said, "I can't handle this!!!"
This woman was in obvious pain. And obviously she can't handle it. Who of us can? We were never created to handle such unbearable crises.
But stepping back from the very raw emotions of her ordeal, a few thoughts:
1) The phrase, "God never gives us more than we can handle," isn't in the Bible, although many well-meaning Christians quote it all the time. The Bible does say that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear and will provide a way out. But no where are we promised that life will not ever become unbearable. In fact, stories like Job affirm how utterly hard life can be.
2) To say God never gives us more than we can handle suggests that God is the author of our heartache. In this case, that God caused or allowed her brother's suicide and her spinal illness. That view of God is at odds with the God Jesus proclaimed--a God who enters life to put to rights what life breaks.
3) God's response to our heartache is to climb into it with us. God knows we can't handle the tough stuff of life alone. So he walked through the worst life has to offer, taking it all on the cross, so that we would not have to face it alone. And so that we would know that ultimately the tough stuff of life will not have the final word but God will, and that word will be good.
Obviously, what this co-worker needs is not some pompous pastor-type correcting her theology. She needs grace. And that's my point:
God gives us grace when life is more than we can handle.
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Dear Pastor,
You said, "In this case, that God caused or allowed her brother's suicide and her spinal illness. That view of God is at odds with the God Jesus proclaimed--a God who enters life to put to rights what life breaks."
Question: If God does not allow it, how does it happen? Then is God's will that these unfortunate events occur? Is God's will being done here and if not, please explain.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely, Tim (from CT)
How does it happen? In a good world permeated by sin, bad stuff just happens--stuff that was never a part of God's plan, stuff that is not a part of God's will. God's will is done when anything happens that is in line with God's heart--when anything good, healthy, just, healing, merciful, gracious happens. When something bad, evil, hurtful, unjust, ungracious, etc, happens, that is outside of God's will.
In an ultimate sense, God allows it in that he has chosen to allow us to use our free will, which can often take us outside of God's will. But there can be no freedom, no relationship with God if he does not allow us our free will.
In the day to day stuff, when bad things happen, we do them to each other as sinful people or they happen to us as the world is tainted by sin. But these bad things are not God's will.
Does that help?
Dear Pastor,
I wanted to thank for your comments and thoughts on this subject. My sister and I have been discussing this subject lately. I have recently been through a lot this past year in my life and I made that comment to her that God never gives us more than we can handle. That is when she said where did you hear that? That is not in the bible anywhere and we started discussing it and digging in the bible to find things out. So reading your thoughts on this today was wonderful, I loved the last line "God gives us grace when life is more than we can handle." I think that I am going to put this saying up for me to read daily to help me through the tough times and pass it on to others in need.
Thanks again this came at a perfect time for me, I guess you call that God's timing.
Sincerely,
Mary in AZ
I'm glad you found it helpful.
Hello, I have recently come to struggle with this very topic. I have always been a faithful Believer. Certainly things have happened to me or others that have made me question my faith, but nothing has made me question the existence of God until now. All these horrible tragedies that happen to the children of the world, and right here in our own homes. Any of us can pick up a newspaper and read about this evil. In my line of work I hear the worst of the worst. I see pictures and talk to grieving family members, and hear the horrible disgusting things that people do to children, including murder. So I stumbled upon your blog, and I'm hoping you can help me. Why does God allow evil in the world? I can't accept it is a test of someone's faith. I can't accept that there is some bigger purpose. That is just plain cruel. Children are innocent. I know we humans create the evil in the world, but I also believe it comes from Satan, evil, whatever you want to call it. Why then, does God choose not to intervene every time? Why does He ALLOW the evil to happen? If He is God, He can stop it anytime He wants. He can change the rules anytime because He is God, after all. If the evil is allowed to win, if God is not an intervening God, then is evil stronger than God? Thank you for listening to me ramble the deepest spot in my heart. My friends at church only tell me my faith is weak. I don't think that has anything to do with it. I think I have honest, real questions, much like Job. I hope to hear back from you. And thank you for your blog.
Lisa
You are asking the ultimate questions--for which there is no real satisfying answer. But there is a response--the Cross. God enters into our suffering to absorb it, to walk with us through it, to redeem it, and ultimately, to defeat it. Suffering may be winning some battles right now, but the war was won, so to speak, through the cross and the empty tomb.
I recommend you try reading The Shack. It's a book that, in a fictional way, deals with the stuff you are asking. (See my post on The Shack by hitting the link on the right side of the blog page.)
Get back to me after you've had a chance to read it to see where we might be able to fill in some blanks.
Lisa,
This past Sunday (Aug. 31. 2008) I preached on suffering using the book, The Shack, as the starting point. When I introduced the topic at the beginning of the worship service I used your question to me. So you may want to listen in to the message. You can hear it at www.faceofgrace.org. Hit the listen link on the right hand side of the page, follow the links to The Shack message. You can also hear it on podcast. Info on our homepage.
On a very personal level I have been told by many well meaning people that God will never give me more then what I can handle. This has been a difficult couple of years in my life. I grew up in a home of faith, with a mom who had such amazing faith that I often wondered where it came from. There are times, many times when I cannot even match that faith. With that comes guilt, sadness, shame. And there are feelings that I can't handle anymore! I have been given more then I can handle, on so many levels. But, I have to handle them..I have kids depending on me, a husband, family. It is by sure grace that some days I hang on by a thread. And I know people have it much worse then I do and do far better at dealing then me. God hasn't "given" me this "stuff" to handle as some sort of punsihment or test. This stuff, this LIFE is what it is. And it is by His grace that I hang on at all. So, if anything, God has given me the thread to cling to when I can't handle anymore...and he is the one holding on to the other end of that thread keeping me from letting go!
Tim---
Nice post. I thought for many years that that was a verse in the Bible.
I think the saying should now be said, "God doesn't put on us more than HE can handle".
If we seek him, he'll deliver us through the storm.
Pastor Tim,
You are absolutley right. My daughter was born with a brain tumor over 20 years ago. We quit counting the number of surgeries at 50. She's suffered through radiation treatments and strokes. And I can assure you I was not uniquely equipped to handle this. Nobody is. But God has taken care of it for us. We are taught to cast our cares on him. And it's not just the big things, it's everything. Once I learned that truth, there was a calmness and joy present in my life, even in times of struggle.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
The problem is that we tempt ourselves beyond what we can bear.
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