Is Grace Becoming a "Men's" Club?

Back in 2005 when we launched Community of Grace, I came across a book called, "Why Men Hate Going to Church" by David Murrow.  It was one of those 2x4's across the brain for me on how the Church is losing men by unintentionally skewing things to the way the female brain works.  In some denominations like ours (the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) females can outnumber males in churches 60-40% and upwards to 75-25%.

As a result of reading that book I have committed myself to making sure that we create a church that intentionally draws in men.  And that is no easy task.  Many men perceive church to be girly (and, as Murrow's book points out, with good reason) and it's a tough sell to convince them that testosterone is welcome.  Many men in the church have become passive, allowing women to occupy virtually every area of ministry (with, perhaps the exception of the pastor, and that's changing, too).  To suddenly be a part of a church calling men to step it up is a big culture shift for a lot of men (and women).

David Murrow also alerted me to the alarming stat that 70-90% of all boys will leave the church in their teens and 20's and most won't return.  So we've poured a lot of energy into keeping and discipling our boys.

What's that meant, in part, is that I have to talk a lot and often about this issue to try to create a more man-friendly climate.  And what that also means is that for some, it seems like all we do is talk about men and cater to men.  So when I hear things like: "all Tim talks about is boys," or "Grace only cares about men," or "Grace is becoming a men's club," I take great heart.  The message is getting through. (I've said often that I have to announce a men's event at least 5 times before men actually sign up.  But women fill up an event after one announcement!  So in that area alone we talk a lot more about men because it takes so much energy to break through!)

And we have come a long way over the last 8+ years.  We're seeing more men involved in discipleship and service than ever before.

But here's a reality check: We still have more women than men in worship on any given weekend (though we are doing better).  Women make up the majority of our volunteers.  For every one "man event" we offer at least 2 women's events.  Far more women turn out for women's events than do men for men's events.  In other words, for all of the good, hard work we have done to let men know Jesus has a call on their lives, too, we are far from a men's club.

So what can we expect in the months and years to come?

I will continue to fight for men and our boys.  Because I'm a man, my passion runs deep for calling our men and boys to follow Jesus into heroic manhood.  I also feel the call to fight for men/boys not only at Grace but throughout the larger Church.

Kimberly--our women's ministry director--will continue to offer great programming for our women.  One of her passions is to mentor women, which she is ramping up this year.  I have also asked her to be for our girls what I am for our boys.  So soon you will see her posting insights into girls just as I post insights into our boys (which you always graciously pass on to your friends.)  I've told Kimberly many times that as the father of a daughter and now the grandfather of a little girl, I'm just as passionate about our girls as I am about our boys...I just don't have the time to invest fully in both and do it well. So I'm advocating for our boys and supporting Kimberly as she advocates for our girls.

If and when our men catch up to our women, then I can ease up on my personal emphasis on them.  Until then, we will continue to offer great worship, programming, discipleship opps, and mission opps for men and women, boys and girls, and I will personally continue to be an advocate for calling men to follow Jesus into manhood and do the same for women through Kimberly as she advocates for women.

There aren't many churches courageous enough to support and buy into that kind of a church!  I'm glad to be a part of one that is.

Recession Fatigue and the Mission of Grace

On Sunday, September 1, the Arizona Republic featured this headline: Despite Gains Across U.S., Ariz. Recovery Still Lags 

Here are some of the (low)lights:

*46% of jobs lost in Arizona have been replaced since the worst of the downturn, compared with 77% nationally

*43--Arizona's rank in private-sector job creation since 2010

*75% of jobs created in Arizona in the next year likely will require a high-school diploma or less

One "expert" quoted says it looks like we have three more years to go until Arizona recovers.

Think about that: That will mean a recession--a deep recession--lasting at least 10 years in our state.

In other words, Arizona was one of the first states hit by the great recession, we were one of the states to take the hardest hit, and we will be one of the last to recover.

As the rest of the nation celebrates the growing recovery, we're going to continue to wrestle with a sluggish one, which can lead to deep frustration and recession fatigue--and one of its byproducts: giving fatigue.

From the moment the recession hit, Grace has followed a far different path--trusting Jesus to be bigger than the economy.  And in the midst of the deepest economic down-turn any of us remember, God has done big things through us, the most tangible sign being the building of our campus in the heart of the recession.

Each year we have increased our budget significantly.  And each year, in spite of the dire economic news, you have opened your hearts (and wallets) to the abundance of God's resources, and we have demonstrated to the world that God's grace runs deeper than the deepest recession.

But even people of big faith can get weary.  And after awhile, we reach a point where we need a bit of a breather.  We've been going and growing at breakneck speed for almost 9 years.  God has done the improbable and impossible in and through us.  And he's just getting started.

But just as we need a day off once a week, just as we need vacations to break up our routine and get off the fast track--so in expanding the mission of Grace we need to rest up to move forward again.

I've been sensing for the last few months that after the hard work we've been doing these last 8 years we need a "giving year" that stretches us but that doesn't over-tax us, so to speak.  We need a bit of a "let's not increase the budget significantly this year"rest.

Then, as Michelle put the budget together, God confirmed that sense.

God wants to do something counter-intuitive through us again: To give us a breather while expanding the mission of Grace exponentially.  

As we'll announce later in the year, because of some financial changes in our staff insurance plan, we will be able in 2014 to keep our budget at nearly the same level as 2013, and expand our mission at the same time!  That's great news.

The other great news is that God still needs our generosity to change the world.  This has been our tightest financial year yet in our history (and we have a lot of work to do these next 4 months to end strong!).  Methinks recession fatigue has finally hit us.  So 2014 will be a good year to stretch a bit and live into our current budget before God hits the gas and moves us into the next 10 years of expanding the mission of Grace.

Year 9 of our mission will be a "hinge year" as we move from Building a Community of Grace to Expanding the Mission of Grace.  Our theme for year 9: Let us not grow weary of doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we don't give up.  So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all..." Galatians 6:9-10.

Are You Ready For Some Reckless Faith?

In a few days "Are You Ready for Some Football?" will become our national anthem and it will drive the soul of our nation for the next 6 months. I've been ready since the day after the Super Bowl. I can hardly wait.

But fall is also a great time to hear Jesus' call into a larger game--the game of changing the world. His two word call, "Follow Me!" really asks us THE question of life: "Are you Ready for a Reckless Faith?" Are you tired of a tepid faith? Are you frustrated from reading in the Bible about all the great stuff God did through ordinary people like us and wondering why it doesn't happen for you? Are you tired of sitting on the sidelines while others around you take up the cross and impact the world?

I'm currently leading your staff through a leadership experience written by John Maxwell (I'm also taking a group of your lay leaders through it). Maxwell offers an interesting perspective on leadership that translates well into faith. He says that leadership is a Process. It's not an Event. Leadership happens over a life time, not in an hour or two. Too many people, he says, look for drive-through leadership. We want to order it and pick it up in a bag, consume it in 5 minutes, and then lead. But it doesn't happen that way.

Too often people look at following Jesus in the same way. We want to live the dynamic Christian life right now. Instantly. We want the high powered worship event that will transform us into spiritual super heroes. That will feed our souls for a week (or two weeks or three weeks!) We're looking for the fast-food Jesus fix that will propel us into the abundant life. But as is true with any fast food, it's fast, it tastes good (Chipolte anyone?), but it doesn't last.

Jesus understood the power of both the event and process. He used events to inspire and call. But he used process to transform. Maxwell provides this helpful chart:

Event                                    Process 
Encourages decisions      Encourages development 
Motivates people             Matures people  
Is a calendar issue          Is a lifestyle issue 
Challenges people          Changes people 
Is easy                            Is difficult 

Thousands attended the Jesus events 2000 years ago. But only 12 went through the transformational process. And it was the 12, not the crowds, who changed the world. A healthy Church provides both powerful events and a profound process.

Grace does events well. Great worship. Great activities (concerts, model rockets, block parties, the Christmas show, etc.). These events provide a place for us to be re-motivated to follow Jesus and provide great entry points for our friends and neighbors.

But if we're going to change the world, we need the courage to follow Jesus into reckless faith, and that's a process--a process few US Christians make. But those who do never go back. They're too busy changing the world around them.

This fall we're beginning to up our game in the process area--providing more and more opportunities for you to move from event to process to world changer.

For the men: We have our manhood class on Thursdays, 6:15 am (contact tim@faceofgrace.org). We also have a men's small group that meets every other Thursday at 6 am (contact Joe at jhertel1127@msn.com).

For the women we have several new opportunities including the Lineage of Grace study that launches on Wednesday, September 11, starting at 6:30 (contact Kimberly at women@faceofgrace.org).

Coming soon: the Financial course--I was broke but now I'm not!

For many of us, committing to several weeks in a row is, at this time, impossible. But not to worry--we're doing a new 1st Wednesday Experience every first Wednesday of the month (hence the title)--a cross between event and process to help us begin to move forward in following of Jesus. Tomorrow night (Wednesday) is our first 1st Wednesday. It will feature two seminars for adults: An Intro to the 2nd Coming of Jesus; and, How to Lead Your Children in Devotions at Home. The kids will have a high energy experience built around Tae Kwon Do. And we'll have nursery as well. We begin at 6:30 and it will run an hour. Come at 6 for hot dogs and chips (for a modest price).

To follow Jesus is to dive into the process of reckless faith. It's to power up at events and then stretch and grow through a life-long process of learning and serving. Paul says it this way: As you have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord (event), so continue to walk in him (process); rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. (Colossians 2:6-7)

Are you ready for Some Reckless Faith?

Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--12

30 years! We made it. Quite a milestone.

Over the last several months Jan has been pouring hours of her life into Ancestry.com, researching my family and her family. She's about as far as she can go at this time and is putting a book together. On one of the pages she has a collage of pictures of the two of us: A picture of us in front of the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center as the snow falls; a picture of the two of us on camels in Petra, Jordan; a picture of the two of us on a hill overlooking Jerusalem; a picture of us by the Tower Bridge in London...

I looked at those pictures and thought, "We've had a good run, so far."

We've been blessed with one of those marriages where we have been in love since the day we were married. After 30 years we still like each other. We come from a long, interesting line of people. We have two marvelous kids who have married fantastic spouses. We've enjoyed amazing health. We've traveled the world together. We've been a part of two dynamic ministries.

It has been a good run, so far.

This afternoon we went over to Mike's and Amber's for our anniversary and a delicious meal from Arby's (I set up a romantic dinner for two on the beach on Maui a few weeks ago, so we had our big anniversary dinner then). I sat and rocked my little granddaughter, Clover.

It has been a good run, so far!

Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--11

How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

Top 10 Things Jan Loves About Tim:

His humor

His quirkiness

His amazing grace and compassion toward others

His giftedness as a wordsmith

He cooks his own breakfast and cleans up after himself

He drives me places when I don't feel like driving

I couldn't have asked for a more amazing father and role model for my children

He loves the dogs as much as I do

He's adorable and totally in love with his baby granddaughter

He is devoted to, and absolutely loves me


Top 10 Things Tim Loves About Jan

She's loved me for better or for worse and while most has been better, the worse--like my struggles with anxiety--have demonstrated unconditional love on her part

She's downright beautiful...how did I ever end up with a babe?

She's creative--she loves music, she loves to sew, take photos, work on projects, etc

She cares about creating a wonder-filled and organized home

She's been as passionate about ministry as I have

She's been and continues to be a fantastic mom to our kids

She's been supportive of my stuff--like running marathons and biking

She makes me happy

She fits me like a glove

She loves me--that never ceases to stun, amaze, and delight me

Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--10

In every life a little rain must fall...

You can't share life together without some clouds, rain, heartache, and pain. And we've had some in our lives.

There have been experiences of great loss.

While we were on internship Jan's grandma passed away (May 10, 1983). Jan flew up to Minneapolis with Alycia (a toddler) and Mike (just a couple of months old). A few years before she died she moved into a new place and essentially gave Jan her house.

In 1988 Jan's mom discovered, after some issues with her eye, that she had colon cancer. After three surgeries within five months it was evident that she was not going to live. So we began to make plans for Jan's dad. He had parkinson's disease and Jan's mom didn't want him living on his own. So they built us the house we currently live in--a house big enough to house our kids and Vic. Jan's mom passed away on April 21, 1989. She was in Phoenix so we had a chance to visit her often. We flew up to Minneapolis for the funeral. Phadoris was a woman of strong faith (and a strong will!). She traveled the mid-west singing and telling her story of faith. We butted heads at times, but we loved and respected each other. She was a great mom and grandma.

On October 24, 1989 my Grandma died. She was the only Grandma I knew. She and my mom were extremely close. Grandma helped raise us. She was a marvelous woman. Her last years were spent living with my parents as they cared for my Grandpa who had alzheimers. One day, now living in a care facility, my Grandma called up my dad and said, "Don, I can't do it anymore." He rushed over to the nursing home. When he walked in, Grandma sat down and died. I headed back to Minneapolis to speak at her funeral.

A few weeks later, November 5, 1989, my Grandpa died. Grandpa had a profound impact on my life. I wanted to be a pastor because of him. He was pretty aware during grandma's funeral. But the day after he didn't recognize any of us. But he always kept his good humor. I had the privilege of speaking at his funeral, too.

Jan's dad moved in with us after the funeral for Phadoris. Vic was a quiet man, who in spite of his parkinson's, was able to get around quite well. He didn't need much care. But it wasn't all that easy for him to live here (he wanted his independence) and it took away quite a bit of privacy for us. One day he started acting loopy, and as the day went on, it grew worse. We found out he had stopped taking his meds. Once he got stabilized, he decided he wanted to move out and we figured the best place was in a graded care facility. He hated it. So he bought two houses in Sun City, one for himself, and one across the backyard for his sister so that she could take care of him. It all worked out pretty well after that. One morning, November 15, 1993, after breakfast, Vic told his sister he was going to lie down for awhile. He never woke up. We held the funeral in Minneapolis. Vic was an extremely successful business man. He was very generous but quiet about it, as he was in most things. Jan and I have been extremely blessed as a result of his success and generosity, which is minor to the blessing he was to us a father, a father in law, and a grandpa.

A few years after Vic moved out, my parents, living in Minneapolis at the time, lost everything. We had to move them down here. Eventually they came to live in our home. Again, while it was good to have them here, it was also difficult for them and us. They had their own bedroom and den, but to get to the kitchen they always had to walk into our living area. We had virtually no privacy, and it did get wearing. We eventually were able to move them to a house in Sun City.

On February 18, 2007, my mom passed away. Jan and I, along with Jeff and Diane, were in Hawaii at the time. We lived through her last moments via phone updates. We were so grateful that so many people were with mom in her last moments, including my son and his wife. The funeral was held at the Zuni Hills Elementary School where we hold worship services for Grace. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came out and by the numbers of people who were impacted by my mom.

We were fortunate in that we never had any broken bones in our immediate family. But we had some wounded emotions. I suffered my first major panic attack in 1988 while in California. I drove home in the middle of the night absolutely panicked for no reason I could think of. It began a long journey of ups and downs learning to be free of it.

Jan has struggled with depression--not debilitating, but challenging. Her med is her life-saver.

We went through some absolutely devastating years when Mike was a young teen into his teen years as he battled clinical depression. The process of finding him the right med was horrific for him and us. Mike had his first panic episode in New York City. It was so severe I had to fly out to bring him home. Those were dark, dark days. But he's a healthy young man today!

Alycia has also been blessed with some of our emotional stuff, lucky her. But she keeps pushing along, making a life for herself in spite of it.

My dad has had over 20 heart attacks in his 72 years, a major one coming in 1998, just a few weeks before we moved to our new church campus at Community Church of Joy. Amazingly, he's still here. A walking time bomb and walking miracle all in one.

Jan's brother, who lives up in Minneapolis, has faced severe challenges in his life since he was a kid, diabetes and seizures being at the root of them. In fact, he had his first seizure while driving on a freeway with Jan in the car when Jan was in 9th grade. Thankfully his foot let up on the gas and the car turned to the side. Jan was able to hit the brakes. Along with those medical challenges have been emotional ones as well.

The one constant has been the grace of God, sometimes powerfully felt, sometimes seemingly absent, walking with us through these times of life, getting us through and putting the pieces back together. I don't know how people face these kinds of things without God's presence.

Musings on 30 Years of Marriage--9

It's funny, when you think about highlights over 30 years, how difficult it is to remember any of them! So I'll just start writing and see what comes to mind. I'll bring Jan in as well.

The two biggest highlights:

June 18, 1980--Minneapolis. We had already been to the hospital in the early morning hours walking up and down the hallways after Jan thought her water had broken. But it was a false alarm. But later that day Jan was pretty sure the baby was coming. But this time we waited until the contractions were a bit closer together. That gave me a chance to see the whole General Hospital Episode. Because you know how those soaps are--miss an episode and you're completely lost because the story lines move so quickly. :) This, by the way, was during the Luke and Laura days.

That evening after about 6 hours of labor, Alycia Janelle Wright was born weighing in at about 6 pounds 9 oz. She was a beautiful baby from the moment she came out of the womb. And she was two weeks late!

March 3, 1983--Phoenix. The doctor had said that if the baby didn't come by Friday (2 weeks late!) we might have to induce. But on Friday, Jan rolled over and whispered in my ear, "We're going to have a baby." A call to Jan's mom to pick up Alycia, a call to church to cancel appointments, and we were off to the hospital--in a flood-weary Phoenix. We had been blasted with heavy rains, the water sometimes up to the car doors. But we made it safely and Michael Timothy Wright was born, weighing in at about 8 lbs 13 oz. No wonder Jan said this baby was a lot more work getting out than Alycia.

Others: In no particular order--

Our internship at Community Church of Joy and then our call to serve there turned out to be pivotal in our lives. (See Musings on 25 years of Ordination).

Starting Community of Grace in 2005 (see Musings on 25 years of Ordination).

Sitting in the front row, middle two seats at a Barry Manilow Concert in Vegas and having Barry reach down to me as the show ended to shake my hand. (I'm guessing he was probably a bit shocked to see a manly man sitting in the front row of one of his concerts and enjoying it!) He shook Jan's hand, too. It was Jan's birthday.

Buying our first dog, Santi, the Beagle. Buying her brother a year later, Saba the Dachshund. Better than kids!

We had a chance to do a lot of traveling, in part because of church (see Musings on 25 years of Ordination), but a few highlights from our personal travel: 3 days in a Long Boat (canal boat) down a canal in Scotland followed by a two day bike ride in the Cotswolds. 5 days in Aspen in December with Mike and Amber, then another 3 when we got snowed in. Lots of great trips to Disneyland and Disney World. Israel. Australia--what a fantastic country. Norway is breath-takingly beautiful. England (too many times to count). A December trip to NYC when it snowed and we enjoyed a horse-drawn carriage ride in Central Park with big, white snowflakes falling around us. The "Martin Luther" tour--seeing all the Luther sites in Germany. One of our favorite places is Salzburg. Communion at the Vatican with the Pope in the house! Alaskan Cruise. Hawaii!!!!! Lots of great memories for me running in those places. Some of my favorites--Hyde Park in London. The Salzburg River in Salzburg.

Jan and Mike jumping out of an airplane (I took the pictures from the safety below).

Meeting lots of cool people like Noel Paul Stookey (of Peter, Paul, and Mary) who liked to call Jan, Sparky. My close personal friend, BJ Thomas.

Renovating the house and having to live in the basement.

Getting a tatoo.

Lots of eating out--favorite foods including Italian and Italian and often Italian. And of course, the best of all, Peter Piper Pizza.

Watching our kids grow up.

Marrying my son, Mike, to his beautiful wife, Amber. Walking my daughter, Alycia, down the aisle and officiating at her wedding to her fantastic husband, Corey.

Christmas Eves at church (there usually through midnight.) One night, having gone to bed, I asked Jan if she felt anything under her pillow. She reached under, found a little box. She turned on the light, opened the box, and found a brand new diamond for her wedding ring (I had purchased it with royalties from my first book.) A very, very nice surprise.

The newest highlight: May 26, 2009, the birth of Clover Alia Wright, weighing in at 5 lbs 11 oz. The most beautiful granddaughter you've ever seen born to Mike and Amber. I said to Jan, it's amazing, in seeing Clover for the first time, how absolutely in love I am with her! Baptizing her (3 times! Once in a private family ceremony and at both services at Grace so that everyone could be a part of it).