Finally, moved by my need to protect my back and yet keep exercising, I was lured to cycling. I bought a road bike (not cheap) and began a new chapter in my life. I changed direction, so to speak, and moved from running to biking. Sort of. While I loved riding my bike, it was hard to give up running. So for a couple of years I also tried to add running back into the program but I always ended up hurting my back. In the end, the pain in my back and the new passion and promise of cycling got my attention and there was no turning back to running.
About a year ago I started having more issues with my back. The sitting position of my road bike (learning forward) was irritating my lower back and tailbone. I bought a new bike saddle. I raised the handle bars. And I had relief for awhile, but it didn't last. Again, pain in my back forced me to look in new directions for exercise.
So I did something few road cyclists would ever do...I bought a hybrid bike. A bike that allows me to sit up. And...dare I admit it...I love the ride. It was hard giving up the road bike but this bike has in many ways renewed my love for cycling.
But I knew that if I kept that road bike in the garage, it would keep calling to me. So I had to make a clean break. This week I gave it away to the Arizona Foster Care Agency.
A day later, when I went to ride my new bike, I looked at the place where my road bike had been. Almost 19,000 miles on that bike. Great moments outdoors praying and enjoying nature. 8 years riding it. And I wondered if I had made a big mistake. But after my morning ride on my new bike, I knew there was no going back. I was now a hybrid bike rider, no longer a road cyclist. And that, for me, is a good thing.
Repentance is one of those big Bible words that people often misunderstand. We often see it as something we need to do to get right with God. We see it as a form of confession. A form of turning from a life of sin and turning to God. It's something we do.
Repentance is the act of turning from sin to God, but it's not something we do. It's an act initiated in us by our Creator. God's grace comes along and creates in us a sense of dissatisfaction with life as we are living it or creates in us a hunger for something different or it forces us to take a long look in the mirror revealing the sin and guilt and pain we've been living in for years. At the same time it captivates us with a promise of something better--Grace, life, forgiveness, peace, joy, and hope, among other things. And lured by that dissatisfaction with life and the promise of something more, God's grace empowers us to turn from our old life to the new life in Christ. That's repentance. It's turning from the old to the new. But it's not done to get right with God. It's done as a result of God making us right with him through the grace revealed in the death and resurrection of Jesus.
The old life, however, lingers. The desire to keep running after repenting of it and leaving it behind for cycling entices us. We find it easy to fall back into old patterns or behaviors or habits. As Martin Luther says, the old Adam/Eve doesn't die easily. But God's grace keeps calling us, shaping us, leading us into the new, drawing us to a new life with the promise of grace.
Sometimes we need to get rid of remnants of the old so that they don't tempt us. That might mean giving away the running shoes or the bike or joining an AA meeting or getting rid of certain magazines or no longer attending certain events. But even the power to get rid of the old is a gift of grace.
The main message of Jesus was a message of grace: God's kingdom of forgiveness has broken into human history in Jesus. And that promise of grace calls us to repent...not to earn that grace but as a result of that grace. But like Paul, we need the grace to die (repent) daily. A grace God gives.
As you look at your life...what might God be calling you from...and to?
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