Reflections on the Big Wedding

Jan and I are headed out of town today for an Alaskan Cruise. I promised I would take her on the cruise when she turned 40. She's turned 40 11 times since then but we're finally doing it!

So before we head out a few reflections on the marriage of my daughter Alycia to her now husband, Corey.

Because Alycia was in school in Minneapolis, Jan did the majority of the planning for the wedding and absolutely loved it. And the wedding went without a hitch, almost.

Around 5:45 am Saturday, as Alycia was heading out to get her hair done (for the 10 am wedding) she yelled that she couldn't find her engagement ring. Long story short, our Beagle, Santi, had taken it. Thankfully, she didn't swallow it (as she did a year ago with one of Jan's diamond stud earrings!). She just laid it down at her feet and waited for us to acknowledge what a good girl she was for "finding" the ring.

It was an outdoor wedding and turned out to be even warmer than we had expected. The mornings leading up to Saturday had been fairly mild at 10 am (mild for Phoenix). But the wedding staff did a great job of getting 90% of the guests in shade and everyone was given a fan.

My son and I played some fooseball while pics were being taken and at one point had a laughing fit that left us in tears. In the end, it got some good emotion out of me so that I was able to lead the ceremony just fine.

Alycia was absolutely radiant, wearing her mom's wedding dress with a few touches of her grandma's wedding dress mixed in. Corey looked fantastic, as well.

As a surprise to my dad, I asked him just before the wedding if he would walk Alycia down the stairs to the start of the aisle where Jan and I would then walk her up front. It was a nice moment for him. Alycia didn't know that Jan would also walk her down the aisle. Because of Alycia's passion for women's rights, she decided not to have me give her away. While she loves the tradition, she wanted that day, as an act of solidarity with women who are treated like property to be sold or given away, to not have me do the traditional dad thing. So I had Corey's siblings give him away, instead.

It was such a privilege to perform the ceremony. Though a bit warm, it was a moving, fun, touching ceremony. During the unity sand Amber, our daughter in law, sang a song from West Side Story. Our son, Mike, ended it with a quick surprise solo of "My love opens the door..." Very unexpected. Very Mike. Very funny.

The only time when I felt I would lose it was during the opening prayer as I gave thanks for all who had shaped the lives of Corey and Alycia. I thought of my mom. Earlier dad had said this was the one wedding mom wanted to see as Alycia was the first grandchild.

The reception was great fun. Various stations with amazing brunch type food. And a big band provided the music. Corey and Alycia learned a dance to "In the Mood." Wow. Words can't describe the next dance as I dazzled people with my lack of fancy footwork during the dad/daughter, son/mother dance. Alycia and Corey did their best to ensure that the wedding was a "green" as possible, using bio-degradable plates and providing recycle bins for plastics.

It was so fun to see Alycia and Corey so happy.

Surprisingly, to me, it was on Monday that the emotions set in. Thinking about my daughter now married. The relationship will be different from now on.

Saturday was a good day. (If I get a free moment I'll try to add a pic or two.)

(On Sunday, just before we were to head out to church, Jan discovered that Santi the Beagle had somehow gotten a bag of brownies and eaten around 10 of them. A quick call to the vet and we forced Santi to throw up! Pleasant stuff. Jan had to miss church on Sunday to stay with Santi. She was a bit out of it (Santi, not Jan) for most of the day but she's back to her normal lovable, naughty self. (Perhaps not ironically, the sermon I preached that day was on Hell! We were in it for a few moments with our dog.)

My Daughter and I

I wrote the following today for a local newspaper. So I thought I'd post it on my blog as well.

This weekend (August 9) my daughter is getting married. I have the privilege of walking my daughter down the aisle, paying for the wedding!, and, because I’m a pastor, I also get to perform the wedding ceremony.
Thankfully, we are thrilled with her husband-to-be. He’s a tall, Minnesota boy (who has a job!) who’s a perfect partner for our daughter. Since the day Alycia was born my wife and I have prayed regularly that God would bless Alycia with a good life partner. And God has answered those prayers.

Alycia is our first-born. I’m a first-born. So the two of us have had a very special relationship. We’re both driven. We’re both headstrong. We’re both opinionated. We argue fiercely and love each other just as passionately. The challenge for Alycia is that my opinions are always right!
Usually a dad hopes he’s passed along some important life insights to his kids. But in the case of Alycia, I think I’ve learned more from her than she from me.

Alycia discovered her passion in life just before college. In searching for where she’d attend college she found Richmond University—an American University in London. She headed overseas (to the delight and sadness of her dad) to study human rights—with a particular focus on women’s rights. Because I’ve done some writing in my life, Alycia always asked me to edit her papers. It proved to be life changing for me as her papers introduced me to a world I knew existed but never paid much attention to—a world of abuse, trafficking, injustice, poverty, and heartache. (And, I must add, a world of beauty and goodness and hope!)

In her Senior year of college she headed off on her own to Rwanda to study the effects of the 1994 genocide on women. She had no contacts there. She simply went hoping for the best. I was a nervous wreck! To be honest, I had no real knowledge of Rwanda or the genocide. But in editing her paper on her experience later on I felt a stirring in my heart—a call to somehow in someway support the Rwandans as they tried to put their country together. That led to a trip to Rwanda with my daughter, in 2005, the first of 3 so far. And it leads to an active partnership with the Rwandan Lutheran Church and our congregation.
Her understanding of our broken world continues to stretch me.

Because of her I try to watch the BBC World News broadcast each day to keep up on the world. Because of her I’ve become far more sensitive to the pain of the world and how I and my congregation might make a difference. She’s even forced me to rethink many of my political views! Most importantly, she’s helped make me a better pastor in opening my eyes to a grace-hungry world.

She has one year left of law school, pursuing her dream to become a human rights lawyer. Then—she’s off to change the world in some small or big way.

But she’s already been changing it. She’s changed my life since the moment she was born. She’s had a profound impact on my ministry and the mission of our congregation though she may not know it. The Lutheran Church in Rwanda has been blessed and supported significantly because of her passion for that country. And now she has the chance to join with her soul mate to continue to impact the hurting world around her by fighting for justice and bringing grace to the world.

I’m not sad in the least that she is leaving home to get married since she left home 10 years ago. I am, however, deeply grateful for the chance to watch this amazing woman begin a new chapter in her life, and to thank her for the impact she’s had on my life by “marrying” her and her fiancé—tying the knot as tightly as I can!

Immigration

Immigration is, to state the obvious, an extremely divisive and volatile subject in our country. The other day in the local section of our newspaper, The Glendale Republic (of the Arizona Republic), Dave Howell wrote what I thought was an interesting opinion piece on the subject. He has given permission to me to reprint it here. (He told me he received a lot of hate mail for it so rather than bothering him with it, you can write any comments you'd like on this blog!)

Republic Column
David Howell
Guilty or Not Guilty

In the increasingly vitriolic debate over undocumented immigrants in the United States, there are actually a few things upon which virtually everyone with an opinion on the subject, which is just about everyone, can agree.

One of those points of agreement is that anyone in this country without proper authorization is guilty of entering the United States illegally. They are guilty of breaking U.S. immigration laws. Actually, they are guilty of much more.

The vast majority are also guilty of trying to find a better life for themselves and their families. They’re guilty of wanting to find a better job, more opportunity. And they’re guilty of having the courage to take huge personal risks in making the journey to get into this country.

They’re guilty of wanting to escape extreme poverty and environments that offer little hope.

They’re guilty of wanting to help the families they left behind by sending home a significant percentage of the money they make.

They’re guilty of speaking another language, primarily Spanish. Many of them are guilty of having skin that is a little darker than white.

They’re guilty of being willing to do almost any job, no matter how physically difficult or what hours are required.

They’re guilty of bringing a slice of their culture with them in their food, their music, they’re tastes and customs.

Some are also guilty of other criminal activity, and this is another point where we all agree. Those individuals need to be apprehended and prosecuted to the full extent of the law; and that means more than simply dumping them back across the border where they can continue their criminal career either in their home country or, as often happens, reenter the U.S. and resume it here.

Yes, some of them are also guilty of having children….and of wanting those children to be healthy and get an education and have more opportunity than they had growing up.

They’re guilty of thinking that the United States offers more of that opportunity than the countries they come from.

They’re guilty of paying taxes in the United States and also guilty of not claiming all the refunds for which they might otherwise qualify.

So the question is what to do about all these people who are guilty of so much. What punishment is appropriate? Opinions vary widely, and for those who want to stop the conversation after that first “guilty”, the answer is simple. They are in this country without legal permission, send them home. Good riddance.

For some of us, however, it isn’t quite so simple. For decades this country has, for better or worse, also been guilty of facilitating undocumented immigration. We have, in a very real sense, been co-conspirator. But we have also been a benefactor.

The vast majority of the several million undocumented immigrants in the U.S. today are hard-working, courageous people. In short, they are exactly the kind of individuals, and exactly the kind of immigrants, we have always attracted. They are, in fact, the kind of people this country has attracted since before it was a country. They represent the kind of new blood that has kept this nation great and growing since its birth.

We need to create a system that ensures those in this country are here legally, punishes those who are not, and enforces our employment laws. But that doesn’t mean we should summarily turn out those whose presence here has been made de facto legal by our complicity.

There are proposals on the table, both in Arizona and Washington, D.C., that would take steps in that direction. They would identify and punish those currently in this country illegally, but the punishment would fit the crime. They would also continue the efforts to strengthen our borders and would create a system to admit and monitor temporary workers.

For the moment most of those proposals don’t seem to be headed anywhere. The political environment right now, especially in our state, has emboldened the most virulent of the anti-immigrant voices. And the intimidation and headline grabbing tactics used by many in that group have effectively pushed the issue off the election year table.

In many ways it is reminiscent of the final days of legal segregation in the Deep South; and like then, the ultimate conversation is not about what is legal or illegal but about what is right and just….and what is, in the long term, best for this country.

Recession Blues?

My friend Pastor John from Rwanda is visiting with us and our congregation this weekend. Having been to Rwanda 3 times I have a sense of the lifestyle of many Rwandans in contrast to the lifestyle many of us live in the US.

When I picked John up on Saturday from the airport I pointed out to him the new Cardinals Stadium. I mentioned the shops and restaurants going in around that and Jobing Stadium. But I also said that here in the states we were going through a recession. He's been to the US many times and has been here three weeks already this trip. He's heard about our recession but it was evident that he was having a hard time understanding what a recession means in the midst of such affluence. I told him about our gas prices and he said they pay about $2.00 per liter or almost $7-8 per gallon! He saw the new homes being built (whether they are selling is another story) and was awed. I took him to see Kung Fu Panda at the mall and he commented on how busy the mall was and how great the shop keepers seemed to be doing (the mall was jammed!)

John lives in a country where the average salary is around $300 per year. Many people live in huts or shacks. Most can't own cars because they can't afford them or the gas. He went on and on about how great it is to be able to take a shower every day here and that the water has some pressure to it! Not so in Rwanda.

The point is not to make us feel guilty but to put into perspective how blessed we really are in this country. Times are tough--no doubt! Gas prices, food prices are rising as is unemployment. But still, in comparison to places like Rwanda, we are the wealthiest 10% in the world, even in an economic dowturn.

So while we are all trying to cope with new economic realities, it's good to be reminded that we are indeed fortunate. There is much to be thankful for. And guys like John remind us of how blessed we really are (including having airconditioning in buildings and cars when it's 110 degrees 9 days in a row!)

Marriage Irony

Isn't it ironic...

That gays and lesbians (regardless of what you think of that lifestyle) are fighting for the chance to marry, and now, when they can in some states, they flock to do so, and talk about how different it feels to be married rather than living together...

And heterosexuals (regardless of what you think about that lifestyle) have the right and freedom to marry but increasingly opt not to and instead live together outside of marriage because marriage is "nothing more than a piece of paper?"

Hmmm.....

Tim Russert

Tim Russert, of NBC News, died today, apparently of a heart attack. I was a Tim Russert fan. I didn't get to watch Meet the Press on Sundays as I work that day, but being a news junkie I saw him often. And I always enjoyed his reporting. There was something about him that gave the sense he loved what he was doing, he loved the topic, and he loved bringing the news to us.

As I heard the news about his death and tuned into MSNBC to listen in on the many tributes, my first thought was, "He had to be a man of faith." It radiated over the TV time and again even though I had never heard him say anything about it. Sure enough, turns out he was a deeply committed Catholic. As his friends and colleagues talked about his faith, I turned to Jan and said, "It's interesting to hear journalists talking about faith." She said, "When someone models faith the way Tim Russert did, without cramming it down people's throats, people admire that."

Tim was not only a great news man, he was a family man. And a man who lived the Jesus life through his calling as a newscaster.

It's sad that he will not be a part of what promises to be one of the most interesting presidential races in a long time.

Mindless Ramblings

I received an email from one of my avid Blog readers who wondered why I haven't written a post in awhile. It has been several weeks, hasn't it! I replied back that I've been doing so much writing lately for our new Summer of Thanks-fullness emphasis at Grace on how to complain, gossip, and criticize less and thank, compliment, and build-up more that I've sort of run out of things to post on the blog.

Plus, it's summer and summer is a time for me to rest my brain a bit and let it fill up so that I can share my vast wisdom and insights with you on a more regular basis.

Plus, the truth is, there is so much I'd like to comment on that I have nothing significant to say about anything right now.

So there you have it. A post about why I haven't written anything lately that basically says nothing demonstrating the premise for this post that I have nothing to say.

But, in the blogging world, having nothing to say and saying so is better than saying nothing at all.

So there--I've said nothing in order to keep you avid readers of my blog.